On Sept. 1, 2014, I was making more of my runes scarves in honor of various gods. I made one for Loki, and in the part of the scarf intended to go in the back of the neck I started the pattern repeat. When I posted a picture of it a friend said it looked like a Sheila-na-Gig and that "You got Loki'd."
So I painted over it, and made it a butterfly. I needed to add runes because I had symbols and runes for Loki, and a symbol for Sigyn, so it needed runes for Sigyn. I didn’t plan out what to write, the words just flowed. Loki gave me the words and I wrote them. I didn’t mean it to, but it came out a plea for transformation.
After I finished the scarf, Sigyn appeared next to me. She approached me differently this time. Before, she had appeared across the room and rushed over, and when she touched my arm I could feel her touch, which startled me because I could not feel any other noncorporeal being's touch, and I had flinched. This time, she just appeared right beside me, and spoke.
I could hear her. I could hear her again, at last!
She had a thin cloak like a monarch wing, a little bit like a silk scarf. I thought she might intend some sort of transformation, some healing by chrysalis. In my novel, the main character transformed in a chrysalis and had to be completely dissolved into goo for it to work, and I was afraid of the process. Sigyn put a corner of the wing on my shoulder. I stiffened up but didn’t move. I knew she was trying to give me maternal love but I was so afraid I started to cry, silently.
She gave me time and returned the next night. Loki kept me still while Sigyn worked. I was briefly in a transparent chrysalis. I didn’t have to dissolve. My wings just attached to me. I still didn’t understand but I knew this was what I had asked for. What Loki had given me the words to ask for. Then he let go.
I heard Odin’s voice making that “mm” sound he makes in my book when he’s thinking. I discovered that he does that to announce his presence when he comes to me. He told me to show him my new wings. Monarch wings sprouted from my human back. And I felt my soul detach from my body.
“Spirit walking?” I asked in my head. “I already know how to spirit walk. That’s how I first met Loki as a child.”
Odin shoved my wings through my back and folded them around my soul within. The wings were for me to use after I die, not before. Then he pointed far away, through the night, and I saw a shining world far away. I thought of when Loki showed me how to get to Uppland in Jotunheim, but this was not the same world. Odin said, “That is Asgard. Now you can always find your way home. Home to me.”
Image: A photo I took of a Checkered White butterfly on a Yellow Tickseed flower in my garden.