I think I need to figure out what happens when I don’t have a burning desire for something that I will absolutely go through hell and high water and a whole lotta sacrifice for….but the idea will never quite 100% go away either, even if it is mostly dead. I know I don’t want such-and-such so much that I’ll do ANYTHING, FOREVER, INDEFINITELY to get it–then again, I learned at an early age that such things weren’t under my control and if you go for years and years wanting something you can’t have and cannot ever figure out how to get, the burning desire will eventually die. I don’t know if it’s a case of “I just never want anything all that much, how do I know if it’s going to be so fucking great after years of struggle,” or “I learned that I’ll lose so what’s the point,” but I dunno, just because I don’t have the hellburning passion to see me through years of struggle to the goal doesn’t mean I’ve managed to 100% give up either.
Ugh. Undecidedness/ambivalence/meh helps nothing.
So, okay. Let's say you're not a Margaret Beauforte House on Fire. (I feel like Beth and I are in some kind of secret cult where if we say her name enough, we'll invoke her powers, btdubs. Here's to hoping!) Let's say you're a normal person who wants normal things who happens to practice magic....