As a child I experienced everything around me with awe and wonder. Receiving magic was natural and seamless. The path of the Priestess helped me to keep this channel open, and as a Maiden Priestess I revelled in my role as Receiver of Magic. In ceremony and ritual I was taken away on the wings of the energy, the music, and the Spirit helpers that joined us. During retreats I was guided through meditations that opened my crown chakra, I would soak in sacred waters, and spend hours practicing yoga. I could walk the Earth, still and contemplative, or run wildly with the wind rushing through my hair. I was an adult, yet I was still a Maiden, my life was still my own. Just when, where and how I served the Divine and her children was still my prerogative.
Pregnancy was the beginning of my transition from Maiden to Mother. I knew that I was walking through the fires of my rite of passage when I was in it, but I could not have anticipated what it would mean for me as a Priestess. I was prepared to lose my freedom in exchange for devoted service to the nurturing of my daughter Gracious and her soul's descent into the flesh. It was the dimming of the magic and the loss of space and time to consciously receive it that I wasn't prepared for. The elation of new motherhood was tempered by surprising feelings of grief. In prayer I realized that the tension of transition had brought a feeling of loss for the former phase of my life. I was grieving because I was becoming ready to embrace a new phase.
With each passing moment I could see the Maiden I once was reflected in my daughter. I watched my daughter’s eyes as they scanned the room in wonder, in awe of the twinkling lights adorning our bookshelf, smiling at the ceramic butterflies fastened to the wall above her as she breastfed. I would remember how it felt to sit in front of Christmas lights as a child. I would have moments of clarity where I could recall staring deeply into a flower or a ladybug . As a child I could feel the essence of the life that flowed through these beautiful creatures and creations. My daughter's birth highlighted how much I missed that innocent state of wonder. This longing was all part of my gradual release of the past, and as I accepted that, I became conscious of a new role I was growing into, that of the Mother Priestess. My transition had taken me from me from Maiden to Mother, from the Receiver of Magic to the Weaver of Magic.