“Pride cometh before the fall” is a message I recall hearing many times as a child. The warning that, though there was the expectation that I would always do my best, it was not appropriate to express the positive glow of success and accomplishment. If one did not self-monitor humility, one faced the very real possibility of being “brought back down to size”. Messages that urge us to be humble, to keep quiet, to deflect compliments away are fairly strong. Having internalized these messages, there can definitely be a waft of distaste when we encounter boasting. We feel the wave of Ego come towards us and instinctively step back.
Over the last month, I have been listening to a wonderful telesummit about priestesses. I am also a huge fan of the radio show, Voices of the Sacred Feminine. However, as I listen to both, I sometimes find myself wondering if walking a Goddess path is also viewed as synonymous with, "believe everything, question nothing." Crystal essences, gemstone healing, soul contracts, past lives, spirit guides, astrology, the many realms and dimensions of the occult, mystical, New Age and metaphysical. Is wholesale suspension of logic required to join hands with the Goddess? Is deft management of the tarot essential to the priestess path? Must I ascribe to "enlightened" tenets like, "you are not your body," "I am a spiritual being having a spiritual experience" and "we made an agreement to do this work before we showed up in this body at this time and place" in order to move forward?
I sat at my home altar this afternoon holding an amethyst in one hand and a priestess sculpture in the other feeling entirely too practical and realistic. I looked out my window at the precious trees, the scratching chickens, the drooping flowers, and the dry, dry relentless dust of summer and some answers drifted to my mind:
Continuing my story of my early experiences that led me to my heathen path, I encountered a heathen god in my childhood, but I did not know who he was. I’m not sure what age I was at the time, but in my dream, I saw the town outside my window as having almond orchards like Ripon, California, where I lived until age 9.
The following is a quote from my memoir, Greater Than the Sum of My Parts: My Triumph Over Dissociative Identity Disorder. DID is a defense mechanism developed by children who were sexually abused before age 7, according to the latest edition of the DSM. My memoir is about how I recovered from that. This is relevant because it’s the reason I was more afraid of my father and brother than the goblins of the dreamtime when I encountered the monsters.
“One night, I saw goblins, small dark shapes coming up through the heat vent in the floor. I saw their outlines distinctly, as if I were wearing my glasses, though of course I took them off to sleep. I spoke to them in my mind, thinking at them as I had thought at the boy at school.
“There’s no sport here. I glad you came, though. Let’s go out and have some fun. Let’s make some mischief.”