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Womb of Light is an exploration of the Sacred Feminine and the application of Her transformative energies. These writings will have the intent and focus of inspiring and quickening within the individual a thirst for deeper connection and opening to the magick and gnosis of the Goddess in all of Her forms. She is the Mother, the Uraeus, the Muse, the Warrior, and the Healer, to name a few. SHE is the cycle of life and death and all that is held between; and my goal is to share the wisdom of her Womb of Light that all may claim their Divine birthright.

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Finding My Compassionate Self in the Healing Waters

Compassion spills and overflows
The oceans of my Soul
Each drop moving through
Rivulets of prismatic depths.

A cadence of virtuosity as
Fingers move in pizzicato
Rhythm across ephemeral strings
The sounds of empathetic release.

Seeker of that which is
Just beyond the grasp
Slips like liquid sand through
The funnel of glass measured time.

And Devotion pools at the base
Of sun-parched throats
That willingly endure the pain
To spare another the distress.

Martyr and miracle
Saint and sacrifice
Each flow in opposition
Until the waters clear And the darkened path
Of return is revealed.

Within the shadowy depths
Of quickening waters
Creation heeds the call
As a newly formed compassion
Fills my thirst-quenched Soul.   

The focus of my personal spiritual practice for many years has been the refining of my emotions and the catalyzing of my creative will. The work I’ve had to do to accomplish this has been directed through the process of enlivening my energetic anatomy with the goal of sustaining those resultant changes in physical and manifest expression. For years, I drew on the knowledge base I have of the Eastern practices of breath work, yoga and the Kundalini serpent in combination with magickal workings. These applications worked well, but there was still a large piece missing that felt like a puzzle that has all of the pieces save the one most important end corner. I offered up the hunger I had for a deeper experience to my guides and was called to the Halls of the Egyptian Deities and the wisdom of their ancient alchemy.

In my regular coven work I had always worked with the deities of the Celtic pantheon and knew little of those of the Egyptian other than what I remembered from studies in school. I set to work finding just the right books and articles that would give me enough information to interweave these new energies into my regular practice. I read through the creation myths and the power of the serpentine energy that ran through all aspects of their lives. These teachings seemed to be the right fit and I wanted to explore and experience these energies of renewal and transformation for myself. At the time I did not realize how deeply this journey would take me into my own emotional waters and the creative process that would result.   

In the Hermopolitan Myths there were four pairs of Gods and Goddesses that existed before the time of the first creation, Tep Zepi, when the earth was covered in the black waters of chaos. One of these pairs is Nun and Naunet.The God, Nun was considered the embodiment of these primordial waters, and Naunet was the embodiment of the celestial heavens. She is often represented as a great cobra or serpent of the sky, which we see later in one of her forms as that of the Uraeus. These were the waters of darkness and shadow that held the secret catalytic fires of creation and the mysteries of manifest form. It is from the catalytic union of the serpent of the sky and the waters of chaos that the first God, Atum the Creator, arose. Thus began the pantheon of the Ancient Egyptian Gods and Goddesses; created from Atum’s desire to manifest life. And, it is said that Atum’s act of creation was so powerful that His Divine energy will be the only matter that will remain in existence at the end of all manifest creation. It was precisely this energy that I wanted to explore and bring into working form and application within my own personal waters of Nun.

One of my first experiences with this alchemical energy occurred during my evening meditation. I began in the usual manner, breathing deeply and relaxing into each breath. I envisioned and activated the central core of my solar plexus and moved my consciousness up to the space of the third eye chakra. As I breathed into this space and opened to receiving what information was needed to further my growth, I saw directly ahead of me a very large cobra with hood fanned and towering very high above my gaze. I knew instinctively that this was a female being and as I opened more deeply to the experience she dipped her head downward and swallowed me. There was the experience of darkness and a tunnel like gateway and as I emerged I found myself floating in a thick buoyant substance. I was surrounded by a palpable heaviness and the liquid that was gently supporting me was blacker and darker than anything in physical color spectrum. 

Instinctively, I knew these were the primordial waters of creation; the waters of Nun that I had read about. There was no sound, no light, nothing of normal sensorial experience. There was only the thickness of all pervasive darkness and the pulsing of the liquid surrounding me. I surrendered into this feeling of nothingness and saw myself, as though looking downward from a great height, as a tiny speck of light floating in these waters. All sorts of emotions welled up at these thoughts. Fear, joy, humility and more moved through me. I felt expansion and great peace simultaneously with feelings of pulsating energy and the sensation of heat and light. The darkness began to clear a bit and millions of tiny stars seemed to fill the space overhead. I was looking out into the cosmos and the starlight seemed to surround and envelope me. The Star Goddess had revealed herself to me. Once again, I consciously opened more deeply to what I was experiencing and She became the dark waters and I felt myself carried in the midst of this substance that had become more energized and active. I remember thinking that I wish this experience could last forever. That I could simply merge into this state and explore the deeper mysteries.  As these thoughts flowed away from me, I felt gentle pressure at my throat and chest and took in a deep breath in response.  This breath brought me back very quickly to the space in which I was sitting and the surrounding calmer physical energies.  I sat for several minutes allowing myself to return fully to my physical state and eagerly began to record the experience in my journal when I felt composed enough to write. I offered up thanks to the waters of Nun and the Star Goddess and went to bed early feeling very tired from the experience.

The next day, I awoke early from a dreamless night’s sleep and as soon as my feet hit the floor ideas started flowing more quickly than I could keep pace for writing projects that I had labored over for some time.  I also felt very emotionally engaged with what I was creating rather than it simply being a mental exercise.  I realized that this new form of creativity had been opened by the previous night’s experience and that part of my ongoing work would be in learning how to use this energy to enliven and inform all of my endeavors. Creativity that would reach deeper into the mysteries of the creative process and bring to fruition an outcome of greater clarity and deeper gnosis. As soon as I acknowledged and offered up gratitude for this realization I felt with certainty that a new foundation had been birthed in those waters.  It also meant that I would be entering the deep waters of my own emotions to serve as fuel of renewal to keep these creative fires burning.

I had done a lot of reading about shadow and deep emotional work, but had never really explored it as a tool for myself. I have never really been comfortable acting from a place of emotion. I have always relied on facts and logic first and then weighed in the emotional side; so I knew it would be challenging to connect at this level with my feeling self. The opportunity to transform and rebirth this part of myself unfolded with the synchronicity of life changes for my elderly mother.

Reminders of my lack of understanding and less compassionate nature came front and center in the interactions with her as she moved through the transitions of aging, surgery and a new apartment. I am an only child, so my mother and I have been very close but are very different in our basic natures. She is one who responds from the heart and I, always from the head. These changes required that I find a more compassionate nature and way of interaction. So, in each nightly meditation I sat and simply waited for guidance in taking the next steps in this process of emotional opening.   

After a few nights Cobra appeared. This time she coiled around me and I found myself with my back pressed against her body; my head resting beneath the base of her massive lower jaw. As I breathed more deeply into the feeling of being supported by her strength images of my childhood and a particular point of time that had caused me much emotional pain came to the surface. I sat observing scenes from this period in my life that flashed like a slideshow one to the next. I felt the pain of those experiences and emotions welled up that I knew had been buried deeply. I recognized this point in my life as one of the places where I built walls around my emotions; safeguarding my vulnerability and moving me more into my mental world. I allowed the feelings to pass through as tears streamed down my face and I knew that these were the waters that needed to flow so I could begin to heal and transform them. As the images began to fade I felt warmth and great relief replacing the pain and sorrow. I felt the strength of the serpent behind me and the strength of myself in having the power of release. I knew I had begun the work that would help me create something of beauty from the raw emotions I had pulled to the surface and that from these birthing waters I could use those lessons as guidance through the challenges that lay ahead. 

Helping an elderly parent through the changes from vibrancy and independence to fear and growing need is overwhelming emotionally. I felt the gradual loss of someone I once relied on as strongly as if it had been a physical one and braced myself for whatever irreversible changes may come. Each interaction my mother and I had that lacked patience and gentle understanding became a place of guilt and regret for me. I realized that these negative feelings were now accumulating within me with no productive and creative way to release the excess and renew my resiliency. I took a deep breath and dove even deeper into those waters that had carried me this far and was shown the wisdom of the goddess, Hathor.

I began daily devotionals to her; offering up the sadness and stress I felt to be transformed into something of beauty and comfort. As I sat in my daily meditations and focused on the altar I had created, I could feel the surge of renewing energy deepening and my creative flow opening. I learned of Hathor’s nature as the creative force of the serpent Uraeus and how to call upon that energy to change the way these emotions would affect me. I began writing poetry and saw that I could express these deep feelings on paper in a way that would release them to be transformed and re-birthed into something beautiful. The poem that is at the beginning of this story is one that was gifted to me as I sat in meditation asking for the guidance and blessings of the Goddess. As each word flowed out onto paper I saw a reflection of who my mother is and how I could better support her in a more loving way. 

As I continue to work with these principles and have come to know the cosmic serpent and the dynamics of her transformative energy there have been many more personal insights and opportunities to move those emotions that need re-birthing through the creative waters of my writing and daily interactions. I have learned of the greater wisdom in fully embracing those aspects of myself that make me less understanding of others and through the application of self-compassion transforming them into a creative act of service that reconnects me to my own weaknesses in a positive way. I have cowered in fear at the vulnerability I have uncovered and removed some of those walls hoping that no one else would see these flaws. And, I have reached deeper still into the heart of this blackened well pulling up from those emotional waters the unsettling thing that was the root of its cause. I have held it up for closer look under the starlight of velvet night sky and seen it for the powerless thing it was and cast it back into the depths of the chaotic waters carrying the spark of that quickening starlight with it.

There is still much I have to learn and work to be done as I take from these waters the will and primordial energy of renewal I need to continue to move in a more compassionate way. But, drinking from these waters has given me the strength to create a more loving and supportive person in all the relationships that I have. 

To read more about the energy of the astrological sign Cancer:

The Temple of the Sun:Cancer

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Robin Fennelly is a 3rd Degree Initiate of the Assembly of the Sacred Wheel and High Priestess of Oak and Willow Coven within that Tradition. She has been a seeker of all things spiritual since her early teens. Growing up in a spiritually supportive family provided the opportunity to explore and experience a variety of esoteric traditions encompassing Eastern Philosophy, Metaphysics and the Western Magickal System.  This spiritually rich and diverse background has provided the foundations of her teaching and writing for more than 20 years with integrated overlay of Astrology, Hermetic Qabalah, Energetic Anatomy, Tarot and personal alchemy.
 
Her personal work is strongly focused on the development and implementation of energetic protocol and exploration of the catalytic energies of the Sacred Feminine.  She works extensively with the alchemical nature of the Goddess as deity and archetype using that transformative nature as the current that flows through and informs all of her magickal workings.

Robin's unique style of teaching and writing incorporates poetry, pathworking and prose as tools for deepening the reader's level of understanding and application.  She has authored several books on magickal practice and theory, is a writer for the Portal Magazine, UK, contributor to Capital Witch: The Pagan Newswire Collective and has had several featured articles on the Witch's Voice.

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