I believe we can walk with Goddess by our side, but need to work on our relationship with Her just as we do our person-to-person ones. I'm a 50-something womon seeking and often stumbling along the path to a profound connection with Goddess in Her many aspects. The power of everyday rituals and moments can help light that path and serve as deep communication when words just get in the way.
I've written before about life as an act of faith. Faith usually refers to one's spiritual beliefs, but I've never felt my relationship with Goddess required faith; it's a state of knowing, not believing.
However, Faith has been known to dally about with Trust. You often see the two of them whispering together in a corner, cozy and self-confident, but I'm not always such a fan of Trust. She's led me down the garden path right into nasty brambles or a boggy patch a few too many times, and relying on her just doesn't come easily anymore.
Recently though, Trust and I have had to work together. After five years at a job I was miserable at, a job that I allowed to affect body, mind and soul, a new opportunity arose. I sent my resume out two hours after the position was posted, even though the posting lacked significant details, like salary. Didn't hear a peep for nearly two months. I assumed I hadn't even made the first cut, so was stunned when the call for an interview came. After that first interview, I knew I wanted the job, and that's when I first swallowed my pride and called Trust.
You see, I had blamed the lot of them--Trust, Faith and Goddess--for the other job. Oh, I'd visioned and intentioned myself in it for months, and pleaded my case with all three of them, claiming I'd defer to whatever was for my highest good, all the while insisting that things go my way. Naturally, I blamed them, especially Trust, when I got just what I thought I wanted.
Hey, I said naturally, not logically!
Anyway, there I was again, becoming invested in the possibility of this new position, still with no practical details. Trust and I met for coffee at a neutral place, and had a long talk. She was a surprisingly good listener, asking a few probing questions here and there, with nary a single smirk when I acknowledged that just maybe I was blaming her, Faith and Goddess for something I'd created. By the time we'd finished, things were much clearer between us. Yes, I wanted this new opportunity, but this time I truly did want what was for my highest good. That was the intention, the vision, the desire, the Trust--that whatever happen be truly right.
Two more interviews later, the offer came. My partner, who has always been more welcoming of Trust, couldn't have been more supportive. The two of them convinced me to take the job despite the doubts and obstacles, which included a pay cut and a long commute....they both asked me to take Trust's hand and leap, to believe that the landing would be fine. And so I leapt, and a month in, I'm feeling blessed and grateful. Few things are perfect, but I feel good about the work I'm doing and excited about what's to come. Trust and I are hanging out together a little more, and this may just be the start of a beautiful friendship.
What's the point of this ramble? First....what's your relationship with Faith and Trust? It's been a long cold Winter here in the northeast, but as the snow melts, there are flower shoots, tree buds, birds building their nests. When a wildfire burns acres of forest, we weep with the ugly horror of it, but new life emerges, stronger than before. Faith and Trust don't lead us into the dark, they show us the light. We just need to be willing to look. And the deeper our relationship with them, the deeper our relationship with Goddess in all her guises.
Second...I've been honored to be part of the Sagewoman blogosphere, but this new job comes with less free time. I've had to examine my priorities and accept that, for now, I can't 'have it all'. What time exists for writing needs to go to my main blog and personal writing. Many thanks to Anne and to all of you for sharing this time and space with me.