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My Journey with Goddess

Mother’s Day this year had me thinking about my mother and my journey with Goddess. As a child, my mother was my first Goddess- I looked to her to keep me alive. My physical and emotional needs were met by her. As I got older, my mother shared the pantheon with the Virgin Mary. My mother is a Virgin Mary devotee with a liberal attitude toward divorce, birth control and other women’s right issues. As I grew up, I learned to look to my mother also as prophetic Goddess, showing me where our life was leading to. I would then turn to the Virgin Mary in my dreams to comfort me and shield me from my nightmares.

As a teenager, I became aware that Goddess existed as a truth beyond my own personal experiences. I grew away from seeing my mother as Goddess, archetypal mother providing me with all the love I needed. As I drew away from my Catholic upbringing I could no longer find solace in the Virgin Mary with her submissive undertones. As I grew into my sexuality, the Virgin did not resonate with me. I researched the Goddess in the Neo-Pagan movement-- I welcomed the Goddess who saw all acts of love and pleasure as her rituals. I started shifting my need for greater mother love to the Goddess as well. I learned more about all the different Goddesses-- especially Ariadne, Kali and the ancient Goddesses of Neolithic times.

Later, I went through a dark time in my life full of depression and eating disorders, I immersed myself even more in the history of Goddess. Looking back, I see that time as lacking in self-love. I looked everywhere but to myself for the love and acceptance I craved. I am forever grateful to Goddess as deity and idea, holding my mother love until I could take it on. Eventually I realized that I could not heal without being my own Mother Goddess. A Mother Goddess nourishing herself physically and emotionally—I healed myself of depression and anorexia!

I am moving even further into the Mother Goddess aspect of my life. I have chosen not to have children. I thought I was permanently stuck as Maiden because of this until one day I would become a fierce Crone. Then I, as Mother Goddess, find that I am giving birth to my own business, art projects, and books. I am Mother Goddess as Creatrix. I create the life I want for myself. I step into the Goddess as power unto myself.

Mother’s day is still a day for me to honor my mother and that first Goddess connection. I also honor the mother I am for myself. I honor the Goddess within and outside of myself. I honor the journey to Goddess. Thanks to that journey I am able to be the woman I am now. I am a woman who can say, “I love myself”. A woman that provides herself with the love and self-care she needs. Whenever I lose touch with that self-love, I turn to the Goddess as reminder of my divinity and power.

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  Paola Suarez is the founder of Goddess Spiral Health Coaching. She works with women who resonate with Goddess, either as an archetype or a spiritual path. Paola supports women in connecting with their bodies and Goddess-selves-- Welcoming love and abundance to their lives! She is also an artist, dancer, avid reader and writer.  


  • Ashling Kelly
    Ashling Kelly Friday, 12 July 2013

    Good for you for reminding womyn that 'mother' doesn't [i]have[i] to refer to the act of parenting!

  • Paola Suarez
    Paola Suarez Friday, 12 July 2013

    Thank you Ashling! It's challenging but needful. We are all mothers one way or another. Blessed be! :)

  • Lizann Bassham
    Lizann Bassham Thursday, 25 July 2013

    Thank you for your insight. I too chose to not have children, but also feel a deep sense of birthing and mothering many many things including myself.

  • Paola Suarez
    Paola Suarez Friday, 26 July 2013

    Thank you for sharing Lizann! It's great to know there are other women out there using there Mother Goddess energy to birth and mother so much more than just children. :)

  • Paola Suarez
    Paola Suarez Friday, 26 July 2013

    Thank you for sharing Lizann! It's great to know there are other women out there using there Mother Goddess energy to birth and mother so much more than just children. :)

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