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My path through discovering myself as a mother, teacher and self.

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The Crone is Knocking

The Crone is knocking,

I hear her in the trees

The Crone is knocking

I feel her in my knees

The Crone is knocking,

She whispers to me in the night

The Crone is knocking

She's messing with my sight

The Crone is knocking

I try to shut her out

The Crone is knocking

She sets me to ache all about

The Crone is knocking

I tell her to go away

The Crone is knocking

She can come back another day

Forty-seven....only forty-seven.  Yet I feel as though the crone in me is trying to come out.  I have started to make changes in my life that will quiet her calls...well, should quiet her.

I can feel the energy changing around me.  I can feel my joints hurting on and off, and if it's raining or damp, they really show me how old I'm getting.  I tell myself that this shouldn't be happening for another ten years or so.  But I believe it's partly my fault.  I have stopped doing the "little things" for myself over he years.  Worry and concern over jobs, finances, children, moving, fitting in, not caring if I fit in, and mostly..."am I doing the right thing?" 

Well, I now have the job part working better, and the finances are coming along.  That gave me just enough momentum to get started on my exercising....even if it is two days a week on the bike, it was more than what I was doing before now.  I have noticed small changes and that is causing me to dig deeper. 

My yard has been calling to me, so I have started to work in it more.  It's a fairly large yard and after finishing my stonehenge, I have decided to work other parts of my yard to be more in line with what is in my soul.  It's a long process, but the differences make me feel even more grounded here in this place. 

I have learned to sit still and watch my yard and the nature that exists there.  I watch the movements of the animals that come into my yard and see how they feel at home here.  The young buck that walks through my back yard, stopping at a flower garden that I have been working on up by my firepit.  He lingers, smelling the plants and the bird feeder, the solarlights, and just seeing how relaxed he was in my yard was a blessing.

My children love it here, they are relaxed as well.  They are settled.  No longer are we running out the door to go somewhere to do something, anything, just to get out into nature.  Nature is all around us here.

Fitting in, I don't need to fit in.  If I fit in with my immediate family, then that is all the fitting in I need to do.  And yet, as I have come to this conclusion, I have noticed that others seem more comfortable around me.

The wise crone is subtly guiding me into my elder years already.

I sit here and watch as a lone honey bee works the clover buds in my yard.  I'm honored to see its presence.  Being so far away from most people and farms, I wonder where the hive is.  I am glad to see the one, because where there is one, there are more.  And my family knows I love my honey!

Lately the energy of the ebbing and flowing of the moon's energy has been affecting me.  The last few full moons I have been having a migraine.  With the pain during the day more so than at night.  I know she is trying to tell me something more, I just haven't been able to hear what it is.

So I will let this crone guide me but I will  not allow her to become me....just yet.

I wish you all a blessed and peaceful day.

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I am a wife and mother of three children, a Reiki Master Teacher, a Belly Dance Instructor as well as a very curious creature.

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