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 Life bleeds. Life is raw. Life has teeth and bones, sinew and skin. For all too many of us, though, life is a plastic paradise filled with toothless distractions and virtual vitality. We live our lives surrounded by computer monitors and neutered beasts, claiming to love a feral inheritance but doing little to cherish that legacy.
Lupa wants to change that.
By way of her blogs, the website she shares with her husband Taylor Ellwood, and — best of all — the books they both edit and author under the Megalithica imprint of Immanion Press, Lupa is trying to bring the Wild back to the wasteland of plastic Paganism. Sure, she lives in a modern home; she and Taylor maintain active web presences… and yeah, they're total geeks. Still, Lupa refuses to settle for an air-conditioned life that's factory-sealed for her protection. Lean, fit, and active, she lives the path she describes, and inspires others to do likewise. A shaman in deed as well as name, Lupa favors the raw edge of modern magic, working up a new future with her hands in the soil, in fur, and occasionally even in blood.
I first met Lupa in August, as she was hanging handcrafted ritual items from the Green Wolf tent at the FaerieWorlds festival. Though friendly and soft-spoken, she possessed an edge of feral intensity. A couple of hours later, I found her stretched out on her back in the sun, wearing only a khaki-colored pair of trousers. The stifling heat of a 100-degree day sapped the vitality from each of us, but while other festival-goers crouched in tents or lounged beneath shady tarps, Lupa crashed out in the bright sun, her skin to the ground and her eyes to the sky.
You can catch a sense of that intensity in the clear-eyed prose she brings to books like Fang and Fur, Kink Magic, and The Field Guide to Otherkin. Approaching topics that invite jokes or controversy, Lupa melds a grounded approach with dry wit and a sense of scholarship. Unlike many other Pagan authors (who'll remain nameless here), Lupa and Taylor support their claims with detailed source-work and vast citations. Working at the vanguard of 21st-century Paganism, they are folks who'll be remembered well by future generations. When W&P Editor Anne Newkirk Niven mentioned the theme of this issue to me, Lupa immediately sprang to mind. Many folks claim Wolf as their totem, but Lupa is one of the few I've met who earns the name.
Born on Samhain Day, 1978, in what was then The Federal Republic of Germany, Lupa is a "genuine Euro-American mutt" who bounced around a lot during her childhood as an Army dependent. Later, she wound up in the Midwest, tumbling through small towns in a restless search for something better. That "something" called to her in the form of her primary totem beast; as she writes in her first book Fang and Fur, Blood and Bone: A Primal Guide to Animal Magic, "I've been Wolf's child since I was a toddler." A large black German Shepherd owned by her family appeared to her one day as a huge black wolf. "For some reason," she continues, "that allowed Wolf to make a connection with me that never faded."
Inspired by Robert Anton Wilson's book Prometheus Rising, Eligio Stephen Gallegos' therapy techniques, White Wolf's Werewolf: The Apocalypse setting, and her own affinity for the wilderness, Lupa discovered Neopaganism, and identified several animal aspects that reflected and influenced her life. By working with these inner beast-selves and incorporating Chaos magic, "generic Wicca-flavored Neopaganism," and finally neoshamanic practices, Lupa was able to recognize and heal personal imbalances, reconcile her social self with the world around her, and cultivate an authentic life.
During that journey, she has identified herself with a variety of labels: as lesbian, Otherkin, bisexual, polyamorous, and eventually just plain Lupa: a Wolf-hearted urban shaman, artist, author, and editor, a pop-subcultural spiritual explorer, and a studying psychologist with an eye toward the unconventional. As her name suggests, that lupine core continues to nurture her primal spirit and ferocious intellect.
These days, Lupa manages thegreenwolf.com and co-manages Megalithica Books, crafts animal-based artwork, and is pursuing a Masters degree in Counseling Psychology. Her thesis-in-progress concerns ecopsychology, a common theme in her work. Fittingly, she and Taylor are "sustainability geeks," maintaining a small household near Portland, Oregon. Our meeting occurred shortly after the FaerieWorlds festival in neighboring Eugene — a place and time balanced between Nature, geekdom, and a promising, if challenging, future.
Satyrblade Who is "Lupa"?
Lupa Lupa is a thirty-plus-year old geek fascinated by the natural world, books, alternative sexuality, psychology, and anything else she chooses to be distracted by.
Satyrblade How and where did you discover the lupine aspects of your Self? And are there others, aspects you recognize?
Lupa When I was very young, Gray Wolf (the totem) came to me in a very distinctive experience. At that point, s/he gave to me a part of hirself* to make a part of who and what I am, and I've been wolf myself ever since then. It's an important part of my personal mythology, and being able to identify on some level as other than human has also helped me to make my boundaries of identity more permeable as needed; as Aldo Leopold put it, "Thinking like a mountain." This has helped me to connect more deeply with the world around me, and to develop deeper empathy.
Satyrblade Has that caused problems for you?
Lupa It did as long as I let myself be obsessed with my own identity. There are numerous Otherkin who are, as Rialian describes them, "identity-kin." They're obsessed with trying to piece together every past life memory as a way to "prove" that they're "really" not human. They miss the more subtle, experiential, present-focused concept of being other than human on some level. I did fall into that trap for a while, but eventually I managed to grow out of it.
Satyrblade Do you think everyone has an "animal self"?
Lupa No. Not everyone possesses the sort of malleable concept of identity that being a therian or Otherkin requires. For example, while most of my partners through the years have been Pagan and had totems, I've had a few that didn't. I "assigned" animals to them that reminded me of them, just for personal shorthand, but that's not the same as them being the animal, or even having a true totemic relationship with the animal.
Satyrblade What differences do you see between "animal totems," "personal animals," "spirit animal guides," Otherkinism, and just plain bullshit?
Lupa My personal categorization goes something like this: a totem is an archetypal being that embodies all the qualities of a given species, both the natural history of that species and the manifestations of its relationship with other beings. So Gray Wolf is not only "made up of" everything about physical gray wolves, but also the folklore about gray wolves, and our current relationship with current populations of gray wolves.
Animal spirit guides are individual animal spirits that may or may not have ever been physically incarnated. For example, one can have a black wolf spirit as your spirit guide, but that totem isn't "Obsidian, the black wolf totem." Therianthropy describes identifying on some level as a nonhuman (usually Earthly) animal; it is not the same as having a totem, though some therians may have totems. A therian actually is that animal on some level. If someone is talking about their animal in the third person, they're not a therian.
Some therians consider themselves to be under the aegis of Otherkin while others see therianthropy and Otherkin as separate concepts. Otherkin are people who identify as other than human. The Other may refer to an earthly animal, such as a wolf, bear, or deer; a "mythical" being such as elves, dragons, or fey, or those who identify as vampires (though some vampires do not associate themselves with the Otherkin descriptor, which is another topic all by itself!).
Satyrblade How do you reach out to the Wild within?
Lupa The more experienced I've become, the less I have to consciously think about it, because I've changed my perception. I grew up with the common notion that humans are separate from nature simply because we live in little boxes of wood and plaster and don't sleep on flea-infested beds. Yet we eat, and drink, and breathe, and all these are animal characteristics and rely on interconnection with nonhuman beings to a great extent.
As I've gotten more involved in sustainability issues, I've been actively breaking down the perceived barriers between "me" and "nature." That's helped to facilitate a regular connection between me and everything else, including what people think of as the Wild. I also do a good deal of hiking in the natural environment of my ecosystem, in the Columbia River Gorge, around Mt. Hood, and along the Pacific Coast. But I also touch that connection in my garden; in the wetlands across the street; sitting on the couch petting our cats; or even in my own mind, in a quiet moment. That connection is always there; we humans are the ones who have forgotten about it. The Wild has never forgotten us.
Satyrblade If someone wants to reach out to their own Wild nature, how should they begin?
Lupa Start simple, with a single connection. For me, that was between the wolf within and Wolf without. Then follow the relationships. Animal totems and spirits live in a world filled with plants, minerals, and other beings, and so do we. Don't worry too much if, like most of us, you're an urban pagan, far away from forests and oceans; instead, remind yourself that the forests and oceans and fields come to you every time you eat a meal. There's a connection to start with.
Satyrblade Your ideas and methods have, upon occasion, drawn controversy. What's your reaction to that?
Lupa A lot depends on the issue. Creating ritual pieces — both tools and art — using animal skulls and bones has been a source of a fair degree of negativity. Whenever I vend at Pagan festivals there's invariably at least one person who says "Ewwww!" or "That's so awful!" without even asking me about the spiritual components of what I do.
The whole Otherkin thing has prompted a lot of flak from a sub-set of Neopagans who see the worst of that community and brand everyone by their experiences. If that isn't enough controversy, there's the issue of being a self-described (neo)shaman, which brings up issues of cultural appropriation and authenticity.
My reaction is to do more education. My practice is pretty much laid out there for people to read about, both in articles online and in books and anthologies, and I also try to make myself accessible via email and on my Livejournal blog. I am always willing to answer questions, but I also have to accept that there will always be people who disapprove of my views and my methods. Fortunately, most of the feedback I receive is from people who are just glad to find a kindred spirit.
Satyrblade You've said, "All life is predatory." What do you mean by that?
Lupa Everything has to feed on something else; as humans, we're capable of being aware of the effects we have on others, though we're not always good at exercising that awareness. I don't believe in the Threefold Law or in any version of karma; I don't think the universe works in such an anthropocentric way. What I do believe is that actions have consequences. But consequences may not be anticipated, and even if one is able to trace results back to actions in a cause-and-effect fashion the process still may not yield a clear-cut hero/ine and villain.
How does this relate to predation? It's in the fundamental acknowledgement that in order for anything to grow, something else needs to diminish. Animals eat other animals and plants; plants eat minerals; tiny bacteria eat everything. "Predation" is simply the exchange of energy and resources. One of the coolest things I ever heard was told to me by Ecoshamanism author James Endredy. He said that the red sandstone around Sedona, Arizona is made up of the eroded bits of the Western mountain range that existed long before the Rockies. Pretty neat, huh?
Satyrblade One of the most compelling elements I've noticed in your work is a sense of post-postmodernist discipline — of crafting something meaningful out of media debris. How does postmodern geek culture inspire you toward deeper ends?
Lupa Geek culture is amazing simply because of the heavy emphasis on intelligence and creativity. Like many Pagans, I grew up being bullied for being smart and strange, so finding a subculture in which all the things I used to get harassed for were seen as core values was a gods-send. Sure, there's some conformity, just as there is in any cohesive group of people. But there's a lot more room to personalize your niche.
It's a safe place, and because I feel safe, I feel encouraged to explore further in directions that interest me. It doesn't mean everyone will agree with me, and in fact I'm glad it's that way. But I don't worry so much about having people rag on me simply because I don't toe the party line. Geeks are, as a rule, pretty damned intelligent, so I can get into some great conversations!
Satyrblade What role do you see for information technology in the next era of spiritual progress?
Lupa I believe that IT fosters communication, and that's good. I discovered Paganism right before I found the Internet in the mid-1990s, and the two grew together quite nicely. Yes, it's an opportunity for more charlatans and hucksters to hawk their craptastic wares, but look at how quickly debunking information travels as well.
A much larger example of this was the election riots in Iran this past summer — on one side, there was an entire government trying to quiet the people so no one outside the country knew what was happening, and yet through Twitter and other online connections the Iranian opposition was able to tell the world their side of the story. Granted, Neopaganism is on a much, much smaller scale, but in the same way it's now possible to spread the word through our communities.
Satyrblade How do you see spirituality arising from pop-culture fantasy?
Lupa It's all storytelling. We humans have a deep-seated need for meaning; we need to be able to point out people, ideas, and things that are particularly special. We do that through stories. Stories allow us to model and embellish the things that we encounter, things that are often abstract enough that the elements of stories give us a better handle on them when explaining to others.
I don't limit this idea to pop culture, which I see as modern-day mythology. All mythologies, all folklore, legend, and story come out of the same basic need. Here in the United States, there's no cohesive cultural mythology, so different groups find meaning in different things. For some, that's the elements of storytelling in pop culture.
One of my favorite personal examples is Neon Genesis Evangelion. On one level, it's an Japanese anime with giant robots. However, on another level it's a model of the shamanic journey through the psyche, complete with altered states, a guide to carry the shaman through the dangerous Otherworld, and messages to take back to the community. I wrote an essay about this in The Pop Culture Grimoire.
Satyrblade Isn't there something inherently unreal about drawing inspiration or identity out of fantasy culture?
Lupa I tend to approach spirituality and magic from a psychological perspective; while I don't think that the beings we interact with are solely "in our head," I do believe that spiritual and magical experiences are much more subjective than many Pagans want to admit. We get the deities and spirits that match us; people who need a domineering disciplinarian will attract that energy; those who need a kind and gentle presence will find that. And the deity that is demanding with one person may be loving to another. In a community like ours in which people largely choose their own paths you can tell a great deal about where they are psychologically by Whom and how they worship.
Satyrblade But are these experiences real?
Lupa To some extent, anything that has an effect on us is real. Pop-culture entities may not exist in the precise way as ancient deities, but that's not to say they haven't developed their own existence through the attention and belief that are offered up to them. (This is where I like to pull out my copy of Terry Pratchett's Small Gods and point out to the theory that belief is the lifesource of deities.)
As far as I'm concerned, if you're aware of the origin of what you believe and it has a positive effect on your life, then I don't care what your path is. I'd rather hang out with a post-modern Jedi with no pretensions than a haughty reconstructionist who spends all hisr time telling everyone else how wrong they are.
Satyrblade But don't you think people might go too far?
Lupa With any mythology, modern or ancient, the biggest danger is in losing touch with reality. I know that there are many who rely on unverified personal gnosis to guide them in their dealings with spirits and deities and I'm one of them. However, it's crucial to test your UPG not only against cultural mythology and collective personal gnosis, but also against physical reality and non-magical concepts. For example, let's say you have a discarnate entity (we'll say a deity) telling you to do something that you ordinarily would never do, something that you would fear telling other people about. But the deity keeps telling you to do it. At that point, I'd say it's either a deity that doesn't have your best interests in mind, or you are using the deity to unconsciously justify some action you personally desire but find morally repugnant. One doesn't have to look very far to find "divine" influences which have been used to justify horrific actions, both within and outside of consensus culture.
We can guard against these genuine and serious dangers — regardless of whether we're working with pop--culture entities or ancient godforms — by keeping very aware of the subjective nature of spirituality. We need to remember that all mythologies, whether old or new, are universally interpreted through the medium of the human mind; that spiritual inspiration doesn't have to be old in order to be effective; and that gnosis is always susceptible to both wishful thinking and blatant manipulation.
Satyrblade Your work features many elements of pre-industrial tribal culture. Where do you draw the line between post-modern shamanism and cultural appropriation?
Lupa That's a tough one, and it depends on the situation. I tread carefully because I'm a white chick with no connection to indigenous cultures and I keep in mind that I am from a privileged culture. Many "core shamans" try to claim that their work is culture-neutral, but I'm not buying it. There's no such thing as culture-neutral; everything has cultural context. Core shamanism is based in the culture of the practitioners, who, like me, are largely Western, white, middle-class, and college-educated.
What I'm trying to do with my own shamanic path, therioshamanism, is to deliberately create a path with a conscious awareness of the cultural influences that inform what I'm doing. I know, for example, that I have white privilege, and even if I don't think about it on a conscious level (which is one of the things that privilege allows – you don't have to think about race!) being white in this culture does affect my life and work, often unconsciously. Same thing goes for social and economic class, education, exposure (or lack thereof) to other cultures, even literacy.
There's value in knowing about the shamanism of cultures other than one's own. I personally don't have any intention of trying to get people to train me in those other shamanisms, since any attempt I could make would take those practices out of their original context. I would rather figure out what it is that I need to do in the cultural context that I'm a part of. That's why I'm becoming a licensed practicing counselor: to me, that's one of the roles in this culture that's most analogous to and complementary with the role of a shaman.
Satyrblade Does it trouble you that so much of Pagan culture seems to create more superficial consumption?
Lupa That's not surprising; it can take years to get past the tools-and-toys phase of Paganism and into something deeper. Part of why I write about techniques and discoveries as I'm working with them — not just when I feel I've "mastered" them — is to demonstrate my process. I don't expect people to do things exactly the same way I do, but I can at least hope that something I say or do will turn on the proverbial light bulb. I learn so much simply from observing and talking shop with other magical practitioners; I want to share what I'm doing in the hopes of doing the same.
Satyrblade So, in this culture, how might people resolve the tangle between cultural appropriation, postmodern spirituality, infomedia overload, and our deeper spiritual needs?
Lupa It's critical to be aware of where you get your stuff. This includes not only the external trappings, but the internal psychological motivations. Question not only reality and authority, but yourself, repeatedly and with vigor. One of the reasons I love psychology so much is that it helps me to trace why I do what I do. It doesn't take away the magic of my experiences; if anything, it enhances my understanding and it helps keep me from getting bogged down in a morass of dogma and confirmation biases.
Satyrblade How did you meet Taylor? And Storm? How did your association with Immanion begin?
Lupa Blame the Internet! I met Taylor online in early 2005 through a Livejournal community. We met in person a few months later at Sirius Rising in New York State. The rest, as they say, is history.
When I met Taylor, I was looking for a publisher for my book Fang and Fur. My manuscript dealt with controversial topics such as using animal parts in magic, therianthropy, and (perhaps most significantly) animal sacrifice, and I was worried that my book might end up getting gutted by an editor who wanted to make it safe for the general public. I asked him what he thought my options were, and Taylor assured me that at Immanion his only concern [as editor] would be with making sure that the writing was top-notch.
Finding out that Immanion was author-owned helped convince me. [Publisher] Storm started it in 2003 because she was tired of her books having "the shelf life of a magazine." I figured anyone who started a publishing company [in order to] to address known problems for authors was probably a good bet. Now, of course, I work with them on a regular basis, and I have been very happy with that relationship.
Satyrblade How does Immanion avoid being swept up by trends in pseudo-scholarship and "holistic" psycho-babble?
Lupa We have all done a great deal of reading and practice over the years, so we're pretty skilled at separating wheat from chaff. We also insist on in-text or footnote citations and full bibliographies to show the author's sources. We tend to be very selective about the subject matter we publish; if a manuscript seems to diverge from objective disciplines like history or science, or if it simply lacks substance, then we pass on it.
Satyrblade How do your personal interests and concerns inspire the direction of Megalithica?
Lupa We don't publish the books everyone else does — seriously, how many Wicca 101 books do we need? — choosing instead to focus on intermediate-to-advanced texts. I wrote Fang and Fur because I was sick of "totem animal dictionaries" and after eight years of finding nothing but fluff, I got fed up and wrote my own damned book. We like authors who bring new ideas and concepts to the table.
Satyrblade You seem to have an intense ability to focus. Where does that come from, and how do you maintain it?
Lupa Ah, from a not-entirely-healthy work ethic! I'm very much a type-A personality as well as a perfectionist, and really have to work on taking time off! One of the advantages of going into psychology as a career is that I've been able to acquire more tools for undoing the maladaptive parts of my conditioning.
Graduate school really woke me up to how hard I was pushing myself. These days, I still get a lot done, but I keep reminding myself that if I don't do six impossible things before breakfast that I didn't waste the day. Oh, and that [playing] video games and [reading] web comics are a perfectly valid way to spend time.
Satyrblade What inspires you? Restores you?
Lupa It's a long list, since I have many divergent interests. Hiking out in the middle of nowhere; playing in the garden or the wetlands; spending an entire day on [creating] artwork. Being with my partners; drumming; seeing the scrub jays and the Anna's hummingbirds and the other critters that I share this place with. And then there's always spending time on Livejournal… which occasionally drains rather than restores me!
Satyrblade How might others follow your path… or better yet, find their own?
Lupa If you're curious about what I've written, I'm all over the Internet, and my books are available online (including my own website), as well as at some independent pagan shops. But it's rare to find my work at big-box bookstores (either online or offline).
Once you've read works that you enjoy and find compelling the next step is to figure out what's most important to you — and why. This process can take years. I've been Pagan for over a decade and I'm still discovering the reasons why it is that the things that I do are so compelling to me. Hang on to what's most important, and keep working with it until it really fits you; never give up on exploring!
To find our more about Lupa's many passions, interests, products, and writings, see her joint website The Green Wolf with her partner Taylor Ellwood: www.thegreenwolf.com. Included therein is a list of books, articles, hand-crafted items for sale, upcoming workshops, and much, much more.
To discover the dozens of cutting-edge authors, books, and products of Megalitha/Immanion Press, check out their website at www.immanion-press.com
Interview by Phil "Satyrblade" Brucato
Photography: Lawrence Brown
Hair & Make-Up: Nicole Deanne & Schmidt Sawin
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People & Culture 
