But what happens when the change we're looking for is internal? What do we do when our mood and other psychological challenges are the main barrier to making our dreams a reality?

Dion Fortune defined magic as “the art of causing changes in consciousness at will.” This classic approach to magic is especially powerful when facing inner challenges such as anxiety, depression, grief, addiction, and mood disorders.

My struggles with my mood started in early childhood. My parents divorced while I was very young, and the first few years of their separation were rough. My mother was a newly single mom with two kids to raise and often had to work two jobs just to pay the bills. My father had his own problems to grapple with, and it wasn't until a few years later that my brother and I started seeing him on a regular basis.

By the time adolescence came around, my home life was becoming more stable. Even so, this is when my emotional life went from bad to worse. In junior high, I slid into a “mixed state” of intense mental anxiety, deep emotional depression, and social withdrawl. Throughout high school and college, I was haunted by frequent thoughts of suicide and the sinking feeling that there was nothing I could do to improve my situation. College life was presenting me with many new and exciting opportunities, but my inner challenges were preventing me from exploring and experiencing what the world had to offer.

When I discovered Paganism and Witchcraft, I wasn't aware of magic's potential for healing. I just knew that it felt right, and that it was in line with my social, ecological, and spiritual values. Soon, however, my magical and spiritual practices would liberate me from a lifetime of suffering in the face of devastating mood extremes.

First Steps

As the old saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. For me, that first step was to stop, take a deep breath, and try to understand what was happening to me.

Even with magic, there's rarely a “magic bullet” or instant cure for a chronic problem. The best foundation for such deep inner work is an equally deep practice. My intuition lead me into my practice before I even understood the reasons for it.

For a few years, the main focus of my magic was simply to look, to listen, to feel, to learn, and to heal. Rather than demanding anything from the universe with my magic, I dedicated my time and energy to learning more about myself and my newfound path. I went to a healing school to learn about grounding, centering, energy work, and psychology. I joined a local teaching Coven and continued working on grounding, deep breathing, running energy, and performing ritual. Spending a year and a day observing the Sabbats and exploring their spiritual themes gave me new insights into the psychological roots of my suffering. Working with various Deities in ritual and in my daily life gave me insight into different spiritual archetypes and the supportive role they could play in my journey of personal liberation.

These simple but powerful foundational techniques were my first introduction to the healing power of magic.

Many of the practices that Witches and Pagans use to focus their energy for magic rituals are also helpful in addressing any disorder that involves emotional and mental imbalances. In the short term, grounding exercises, deep breathing, and ritual magic can draw you out of a state of emotional and mental distress. When practiced regularly, these techniques can also strengthen your natural tendency to remain in a place of psychological balance. They don't necessarily diminish the flow of intense emotions, but they do make it easier to let those emotions flow through you without being swept away by them.

A Special Ritual

Grounding, centering, working with energy, and developing a closer relationship with the Divine gave me a taste of what it was like to regain control of my thoughts and emotions. Soon, I felt my first glimmers of hope and faith in my ability to lead a rewarding and empowering inner life.

However, I still had my work cut out for me. Whenever my practice faltered, I would slide right back into mental anxiety and emotional depression. Outside of my Coven life, I was still leading a marginal existence, and I often still had thoughts of suicide. I still had my inner demons to face, and the time had come to face them.

As part of my preparation for my priest initiation within my Coven, I spent a weekend on a friend's land in relative solitude. It was during this retreat that I spontaneously performed one of the most powerful rituals I've ever experienced.

I was walking out on a ridgetop near the Cache River when I found myself filled with a profound sense of sorrow and despair. Rather than fight it, I let myself feel it fully as I walked along the ridgetop and looked out at the forested landscape below. At a certain point, I decided to step up to the edge of the ridge in order to take a closer look at the view.

As I brought my toes to the very edge of the ridge and looked down into the bottomlands, a light wind was swirling around me, and I felt a sudden twinge of vertigo. For the moment, my footing was stable. But it occurred to me that even the slightest unconscious impulse could cause me to lean forward an inch or two, thereby losing my balance and tumbling fifty feet or so to the jagged rocks below.

In that moment, I felt a tremendous rush of energy, and a great clarity came over me. I truly held the power of life and death in my own hands. There was a part of me that genuinely wanted to live, and a part of me that genuinely wanted to die. I had to choose which part to embrace as my own. Otherwise, my indecision would literally be the death of me.

By sheer intuition, I decided to perform a simple but powerful ritual.

I stepped back from the edge for a moment to pick up a nearby branch. It was large enough to feel heavy in my hands, yet small enough that I could lift it and carry it around without much effort.

With the branch in my hands, I stood once more at the edge of the ridgetop. I felt a rush of energy again as the hunger for both life and death surged within me. With the power of my intention, I pushed my death wish into that branch – not to banish it, but to honor and release it.

Once the branch was charged, I raised it overhead and hurled it over the edge. As I watched it sail through the air and shatter on the stones below, I knew that the part of me that genuinely wanted to die had finally gotten its wish, and the part that truly wanted to live could walk away from that ridgetop with a new sense of hope and freedom.

Of course, even a ritual this powerful wasn't enough to change everything. However, it was one of several key turning points when my energy shifted and my life started to change for the better.

The Power to Change

You have the power to change your consciousness for the better.

Through the power of magic, and the spiritual lessons that I learned along the way, I have emerged victorious from my struggle with anxiety and depression. I still have my moments of suffering and sorrow, but I embrace these now as part of the journey. Before, I felt alone, afraid, and full of despair. Now, I lead a rich, happy life full of friends, loved ones, and an endless variety of everyday adventures.

You can too. No matter how bad you may feel, or how hopeless your situation may seem, you already have the power within you to create the change you're looking for.

If you're dealing with anxiety, depression, grief, addiction, mood disorders, or other inner challenges, here are a few suggestions on how to use the power of magic and ritual to find greater stability and healing:

l Consult a professional. If you have thoughts of suicide, or any emotional or mental disorder that affects your ability to function on a daily basis, consult a mental health professional for support and treatment. Some Witches and Pagans are understandably skeptical of the mainstream medical establishment. I often feel that way myself. But traditional counselling and medication can work wonders for some people. Since these techniques cause changes in consciousness at will, they are a form of magic too and can be used in combination with more mystical techniques.

l Practice yoga. You don't need to be flexible or fit to practice yoga. If you can find a good beginner's class, you can start now, no matter what your ability level may be. Yoga improves circulation, breathing, and overall health, including emotional and mental balance. My teacher is trained in Anusara yoga, and her approach has been very life-affirming and inspirational for me.

l Meditate. Start with the simplest form of meditation. Close your eyes; clear your mind; take slow, deep, abdominal breaths; and focus your attention on your breathing. If any thoughts arise, don't struggle against them. Just notice them and let them drift through your mind like clouds drifting away through a clear blue sky.

l Do divination. Tarot and other forms of divination can offer insight into the psychological sources of your mood imbalances. Even if there's an obvious external factor in your life contributing to the situation, divination can help you to discover inner problems and solutions.

l Develop a special ritual. Once you've come to a deeper understanding of the roots of your mood imbalances, develop and perform a ritual that serves as a catalyst to transforming your consciousness. This may be a ritual that you perform once, like my ridgetop ritual, or it may be one that you perform on every full moon for several months. It may include any of your favorite ritual tools such as chant, candle magic, cord magic, etc.

l Be safe. For safety's sake, if you want to perform a ritual similar to my ridgetop ritual, I recommend replacing the element of physical danger with something symbolic! This can be accomplished by taking the vessel of your “death wish” energy and throwing it into a (safely-maintained) fire, smashing it with a hammer, or throwing it off of a ledge where you have a tall and sturdy railing to ensure that you don't fall.

There Is Hope

The most important thing to remember when facing any inner challenges is that there is always hope for change. One of the most painful aspects of chronic emotional and mental conditions is that they often rob us of our sense that we have the power to transform our lives for the better. Whenever you feel this way, remind yourself that the power and beauty of magic is already alive within you. The change you seek may take days, weeks, months, or even years to be realized fully in your outer life, but it starts today within you. Today, simply by reading this message and choosing to act on it, you have started to cause change in your consciousness at will.

As you will it, so may it be.

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Treesong is an author, poet, teacher, Wiccan Priest, and Real Life Superhero. He co-hosts a show called “Your Community Spirit” on WDBX 91.1 FM, a community radio station in Southern Illinois. He has taken an Earth Activist Training with Starhawk and gone on many other odd and magical adventures. His website is <www.treesong.org >.

CONTACT INFO
Treesong
416 S. Graham Ave.
Carbondale, IL 62901