Paganistan: Notes from the Secret Commonwealth

In Which One Midwest Man-in-Black Confers, Converses & Otherwise Hob-Nobs with his Fellow Hob-Men (& -Women) Concerning the Sundry Ways of the Famed but Ill-Starred Tribe of Witches.

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Make Paganism Great Again

Let's make Paganism great again!

Paganism used to be great. Paganism used to be the greatest religion in the world. The greatest!

And look at us now. A bunch of scared little wussies hiding behind fake names.

Scared! When we used to be great. Great!

What happened? Do you wanna know what happened? Well, I'll tell you what happened.

Cowans.

Yes, cowans. Other people might be afraid to say the word, but I'm not. Cowans. Muggles. Mundanes.

 

Yes folks, cowans. They stole our land, they stole our temples, they stole our symbols. They took it all, and left us with nothing. Nothing.

But not any more. I say, an end to it. We're gonna make Paganism great again!

Now the media says to me—the cowan media says to me—Posch, you're a ritualist, what do you know about being a sacred king?

Well, I say to them: You reeking cowans, you're just a stupid bunch of muggles. You don't even know how to enact the Great Rite! The way you do it, they should call it the “Great Wrong”! You don't know anything about sacred kings. You've never even had a sacred king! So what would you know about it?

No, I've never been a king before. I'm a ritualist. I've been a ritualist for 40 years. But I say: let's run Paganism like it was a ritual! Let's try that!

Because that's how we're going to make Paganism great again!

These so-called "sacred" kings these days, they don't know sacred. They never make the Great Sacrifice. They never even make the Great Marriage with the Land. How can that be sacred? You call that kingship?

Well, that's not what I call it.

But when I'm sacred king, that's all gonna change. Yes, it is.

Because when I'm sacred king, the cowans are going to build us new temples.

Yes, folks, the cowans are going to build us new temples, and they're going to pay for them!

Because, folks, we're gonna make Paganism great again!

Great!

 

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Tagged in: demagoguery satire
Poet, scholar and storyteller Steven Posch was raised in the hardwood forests of western Pennsylvania by white-tailed deer. (That's the story, anyway.) He emigrated to Paganistan in 1979 and by sheer dint of personality has become one of Lake Country's foremost men-in-black. He is current keeper of the Minnesota Ooser.

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