Paganistan: Notes from the Secret Commonwealth

In Which One Midwest Man-in-Black Confers, Converses & Otherwise Hob-Nobs with his Fellow Hob-Men (& -Women) Concerning the Sundry Ways of the Famed but Ill-Starred Tribe of Witches.

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New Discovery Revolutionizes Understanding of Stonehenge

Honestly, it seems like every week—especially in the pagan press, especially especially around the Summer Sunstead—you see yet another article announcing yet another new discovery that's going to revolutionize our understanding of Stonehenge.

Somehow, none of them ever do.

Of course, I always read them. Hope springs eternal in the pagan heart.

Now, it must get tedious for journalists to have to write this same article over and over again, week after week after week.

So here's a generic template article to relieve all those underpaid, overworked journalists of the burden of having to come up with a fresh angle every bloody time some "startling" new discovery is announced. Just plug in the relevant information, and publish.

And once again, the rest of us will sit back and prepare to be underwhelmed.

 

New Discovery Revolutionizes Understanding of Stonehenge

AP: [place in England]

Archaeologists announced today a new discovery that will revolutionize our understanding of Stonehenge.

According to [name of archaeologist] of [name of university], new excavations [in/near/around] Stonehenge have revealed [discovery].

“This new discovery permits us to understand Stonehenge as [ephemeral new angle],” [he/she] said. “It's a conceptual revolution.”

Commenting on the new discovery, pagan leader [name of pagan leader] said: "[banal comment about the ancestors]."

 

Cartoon: Warren Miller

 

 

 

 

 

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Poet, scholar and storyteller Steven Posch was raised in the hardwood forests of western Pennsylvania by white-tailed deer. (That's the story, anyway.) He emigrated to Paganistan in 1979 and by sheer dint of personality has become one of Lake Country's foremost men-in-black. He is current keeper of the Minnesota Ooser.

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