Darling, don't be naive.
Two gay guys, walking down the hall at Paganicon, holding hands? Everyone saw us.
Believe me, we're already an item.
I know we're not an item. You know we're not an item.
But trust me: according to the hedge telegraph, we're an item. Just wait. You'll see.
Oh, come on, you're not that new to the community. It's the pagan equivalent of what my Indigenous friends call the rez telegraph: that uncanny, simultaneous ability of everyone in your entire community to know every single detail of your most intimate personal life. Never, ever underestimate the power of the hedge telegraph.
How it actually operates is one of the Greater Mysteries, for sure. Which isn't to say that it always gets things right, of course.