AP: Minneapolis, MN

Are you thoroughly sick of Yule by the time the Solstice rolls around?

Does your Yule begin the day after Thanksgiving and end on December 22?

If so, you may be suffering from a condition known as Premature Celebration.

Premature Celebration—also known as Christmasitis—is a debilitating and virulently contagious disease endemic among Americans. Characterized by temporal dislocation, manic activity followed by depression, and elevated levels of cynicism, Premature Celebration instills in the sufferer an overwhelming need to transfer activities previously reserved for the holiday itself, such as parties and rituals, to the period before the holiday.

Such a transfer, of course, inevitably results in a sense of anomie, déja vu, and exhaustion by the time that the holiday itself rolls around. In the case of Yule, it means that there's simply nothing left to do by the time Yule actually comes, because you've already done it.

Experts, for the most part, agree that Premature Celebration has more or less destroyed Christmas as a religious holiday for many American Christians. Whether or not it will have the same destructive effect in the pagan community remains to be seen.

The prognosis is not a good one, and a recent Gallup poll suggests that other holidays are already becoming infected.

A 2017 poll suggests that an increasing number of pagans regard Samhain as identical with the month of October, and believe that Halloween on the 31st marks the climax, not the beginning, of the holiday.

According to Dr. Stephanie Fox, Chair of Epidemiology at the prestigious University of Paganistan, “Pagans need to remember that Yule begins, not ends, with the Solstice.”