Paganistan: Notes from the Secret Commonwealth

In Which One Midwest Man-in-Black Confers, Converses & Otherwise Hob-Nobs with his Fellow Hob-Men (& -Women) Concerning the Sundry Ways of the Famed but Ill-Starred Tribe of Witches.

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Hunker On Down

Dumbarton Oaks Birthing Figure - Atlas ...

The Mother's Way

 

Does the Great Mother squat to pee?

That's how you say “Well, duh” in Witch.

 

It's the natural way to sit.

It's the natural way to shit.

It's the natural way to give birth.

Welcome to the squat.

 

Born to Sit This Way

Think “sit on the ground” and you tend to think “cross-legged,” right?

But what if the ground is wet? Or covered with gravel?

Obviously—does the Great Mother squat to pee?—you “sit on your heels.”

The chief sits cross-legged. The war-band squats.

Why? Easily told.

The chief deliberates. The warriors act. From a squat, you can rise more quickly. Pushing off the ground with both hands will give you added speed and momentum.

That's why the Horned, drighten to our dright, sits with legs folded beneath him.

 

Born to Shit This Way

Think about it. Squatting is the human body's ideal position for evacuating.

That way, Earth and her gravity help pull the waste from your body.

Why are Westerners so prone to constipation and back pain? Blame the sitting toilet, which makes you do all the work.

The best form of exercise is exercise that you get in the course of everyday life. Consider how much full-body exercise you're getting when you squat down several times daily to empty your bowels.

 

Born to Give Birth This Way

Same deal with giving birth.

Doing so prone is for the doctor's convenience, not the mother's. When you give birth squatting, you have the Mother and her gravity to help pull the baby from your body, instead of having to force it out with sheer muscle power.

 

If you can't squat, it's well worth learning to. In fact, I'm squatting, perfectly comfortably, as I write this. How can I still do this at the ripe old age of 69?

Easily told.

I've been doing it several times daily since I was a teen.

After all, it's the Mother's way.

 

“The Mother's Way.”

Paganism isn't just about religion, after all. Oh no, my precious.

It's so much bigger than that.

 

 

 

Above:

The so-called "Dumbarton Oaks Birthing Figure" (Aztec scapolite)

Believed by some to be pre-Columbian Mexican, by others a 19th-century forgery.

 

 

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Poet, scholar and storyteller Steven Posch was raised in the hardwood forests of western Pennsylvania by white-tailed deer. (That's the story, anyway.) He emigrated to Paganistan in 1979 and by sheer dint of personality has become one of Lake Country's foremost men-in-black. He is current keeper of the Minnesota Ooser.

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