Paganistan: Notes from the Secret Commonwealth

In Which One Midwest Man-in-Black Confers, Converses & Otherwise Hob-Nobs with his Fellow Hob-Men (& -Women) Concerning the Sundry Ways of the Famed but Ill-Starred Tribe of Witches.

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'I Hate America,' McConnell Admits

AP: Washington, D.C.

“I hate America,” Senator “Mitch” McConnell told Confederate Daily yesterday.

In a surprisingly candid interview, McConnell—senior senator from Kentucky (R) and Senate Majority leader since 2014—admitted to the largest online neo-Confederate journal that his entire political career has been, not only a sham, but a long-term political strategy to destroy the United States.

“My great-grandpappy fought and died to defend the right to own another human being,” he said. “In my family, we have long memories. Every single political decision that I've been part of making over the years has been intended to do maximum harm to the enemies of the Confederacy. Today I can say with pride that I've carried on great-grandpappy's fight, just in a different way.”

Long labelled an obstructionist, McConnell is perhaps best-known for his stonewalling of President Obama's candidate for the Supreme Court, an unprecedented action which opened the door for the appointment of arch-conservative Justice Neil Gorsuch. The recent decision of Justice Anthony Kennedy to retire virtually guarantees a second Trump appointee to the nation's highest Court.

“There's an incompetent in the White House, the Party of Lincoln is tearing itself to shreds, and we have a know-nothing, do-nothing Congress incapable of doing anything but tearing down what others have built. And now we've stacked the Supreme Court to guarantee injustice and civil unrest for the foreseeable future," he stated. "Yankee-killer that he was, great-grandpappy would be proud of me.”

He smiled, adding:

“As neo-Confederates go, I'm about as unreconstructed as they come. Death to America! Long live the Stars and Bars!”

 

 

Yes, it's satire.

That doesn't mean it isn't true.

 

 

 

Last modified on
Tagged in: fake news satire
Poet, scholar and storyteller Steven Posch was raised in the hardwood forests of western Pennsylvania by white-tailed deer. (That's the story, anyway.) He emigrated to Paganistan in 1979 and by sheer dint of personality has become one of Lake Country's foremost men-in-black. He is current keeper of the Minnesota Ooser.

Comments

  • D’vorah K’lilah
    D’vorah K’lilah Wednesday, 27 June 2018

    I fully believed every word! Was genuinely confused by the last two lines for a second there.

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