**** SATIRE *****

AP: Washington, DC

Speaker of the House John Boehner (R) and 46 Senate Republicans have sent an open letter to the leaders of the self-described “Islamic State.”

The policies of our so-called 'President' towards ISIL have been failures from the word go,” said Boehner. “A Republican administration created this problem, and a Republican administration will fix it.”

The letter, which has not yet been released to the press pending receipt by Caliphate authorities, purportedly offers recognition of national sovereignty in return for unspecified “support” during the upcoming presidential election.

Boehner laughed off suggestions that the letter offered ISIL the possibility of full American statehood.


“It's true that we share certain visions for the future, but for now at least, I don't foresee a 51st star on the American flag,” he said. “Think about it: it would be a design nightmare.”