Family is one of the most difficult aspects of my life.  My husband and I are both the youngest in our families.  He’s the youngest of seven and I’m the youngest of six.  There are a lot of personalities and opinions in large families. 

Recently, my family had an emergency with my mother (who’s 83).  She spent the holiday weekend in the hospital.  She suffered a very mild stroke.  She was lucky in that she has little residual after affects from the stroke. 

For my siblings, chaos and drama ensued.  I like a drama free life.  I try to keep centered and balanced which doesn’t always work.  We came back early from our daughter’s home out of state in order to be part of the discussion of mom’s care once she came out of the hospital. 

Instead of the calm rational discussion I wanted to have with my siblings, I got drama.  To be fair, I don’t have the best of relationships with my siblings.  I don’t feed into their drama and remove myself from it often.  I’m sure this hurts their feelings because I won’t play their games. 

I was hoping we could come together like adults to determine how we can all work together to help mom while she heals and recovers from her stroke.  I hoped for too much.  One sister wouldn’t even be in the same room with me.  One sister said two sentences to me and left again.  It shouldn’t be hard for five grown women and one grown man to sit in a room and say, here is what needs to be done and this is who is going to do each of these parts.  Apparently in my family it is.  

When this drama occurred, I have to say I left the gathering angry, overwrought, and unreasonable.  I wanted to slap my siblings and was tired of their usual drama.  After speaking with my mother’s doctors and the physical therapist, I opted to take a balanced and calm approach to what needed doing. 

The pt said she needed a grab bar to help her get in and out of the tub.  I simply bought one and will give it to my sister (who my mother lives with).  She also wants her to have a gait belt (for when she is using her walker and has someone there to help her walk).  I bought that as well.  It was money I couldn’t afford but it is my mother and she needs it.  The total cost was about $50 which puts me short until pay day but I’ll manage.  It didn’t need to be a drama.

The pt said she needed a walker.  My husband has a connection with someone who is connected to an organization who loans them out to anyone who needs them.  My mom will have her walker today at no cost.  Again, we did this because it needed doing and quite frankly I didn’t want to deal with the drama of trying to get the family to agree to do anything. 

I’m sure there will be ongoing issues with my family.  How can there not be?  I’m going to try to have a better approach to it as I move forward.  I have to remember my mantras I’ve created when dealing with their drama in the past.  One of which is “I am surrounded by a brilliant white light, I am guarded by a brilliant white light, I am protected by a brilliant white light.”  This mantra helps remind me to keep in my own bubble while dealing with people who are difficult and unpleasant. 

The other thing I do to cope is to go to my comfort zones.  This could be a conversation with one of my daughters, holding hands with my husband, or just listening to quiet music while meditating.  It is a matter of segregating myself from the negative energy my sisters give off and keeping myself in a positive and loving place.  While this is difficult when I’m interacting with them, it is important to keep me balance (and sane or as sane as I can be) and in finding my balance when I’m no longer in the difficult situation.