There have been a few moments in the last few months where I feel I have come close to losing it. As I look over my journal I notice a secret language of symbols - flames, birds or mighty bolts of lightning - which hint at what was going on.
I have to admit sometimes I can overlook what is staring me in the face - especially if it's part of me trying to talk to myself. The little sketched symbols are an ancient language holding feelings without the need for words. If another woman read these symbols etched on a cave wall what emotions would she get from them? Might she feel a connection?
Those little symbols are something that half the world might be able to relate to at some point. I am not alone in this journey which is approaching menopause. I know I'm not alone in feeling that I am somehow losing a sense of self that I have come to understand as 'me'.
Yet where is my community that honors this change? Who is at my side to reassure, initiate and help me make sense of all of this. Where are the stories, traditions, rituals, and ceremonies?
Emerging From the Loch
My first wave of initiation which took me onto the path of menopause (although I was completely unaware of the deep roots of this ritual) was being called by old ancestral energies to the top of a far-flung Hebridean island, whose Gaelic names translates to the Isle of the Big Women, and invited me to submerge myself under the waters of the Loch.
I emerged different, changed and somehow more connected to the female warriors whose story is well known on this island.
As parts of the world are devoured in flames I feel a flame ripple through me. I am enraged at what is happening to the planet. Menopause is a rite of passage - there is the preparation, the transition and then the return. I want to hear women's stories of this initiation into themselves, this initiation with and for the planet. I want this change to matter, to mean something. I want to reclaim the stories and our menopausal experiences. I want to reclaim and to embody this initiation and honor all that is offers. I want to explore all the symbols women have painted on cave walls - I want to share the stories no longer told in our world, to share our grief, our rage as we honor this ancient rite of menopause and make it matter.
You can read the full story of 'The Carrier of the Stream' here