This past Valentine’s Day I wrote about celebrating Valentine’s As a Self-Married Woman, and in that post I quipped that I’d never forget my anniversary.

Well, I did.  So much has happened this year, and I filled my birthday with so many activities, that celebrating my first anniversary as my own wife completely slipped my mind.  Fortunately, I forgave myself…no flowers, chocolate, or wine necessary.  Okay, there may have been some chocolate...

It’s a beautiful synchronicity that I sat down at my computer to write this blog post on the very morning that the Supreme Court in America legalized and recognized marriage equality.  Love is love, and it doesn’t matter whether or not your genitals match as long as you are willing to commit your lives to each other.

Marriage is defined as joining together two or more separate things (usually people.)  In self-marriage, one seeks to unite all the parts of oneself into one complete whole, stronger and happier because of that commitment.

When I committed to my own health and happiness, to support and encourage myself no matter what, I thought I had all my bases covered.  It turned out that my short, sweet vows were too general.  When goals are too general, they become meaningless.  So today I am rewriting and renewing my vows to myself, based on what I’ve learned about my own needs and values over the past year.

I, Ashley Rae, take my own hand in sacred matrimony and vow:

·         To prioritize and meet my own physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs;

·         To treat myself as I do others; with compassion and respect;

·         To love, honor, and cherish myself in word, thought, and deed;

·         To provide for myself the space, time, and resources necessary for healing and personal growth;

·         And to share my body only with ones who love me and whom I love.

     All this I promise with the earth of my body, the water of my blood, the air of my breath, the fire of my passion, the wholeness of my spirit, witnessed by my Spirit Family and Guides, Higher Self, and all Aspects of Source. 

So mote it be.

It is challenging to be my own partner because it means taking care of myself when I’d usually just let myself suffer.  When I’m sick, I make my own teas and soups, encourage myself to rest, take myself to the doctor and find someone to watch my son if I can’t.  I write discussions with myself to help me get clear on my dreams and bringing them to life – and I surround myself with friends who encourage me too.  I stand up for myself and remove toxic and violent people from my life.  I protect myself against the meanness of others.

Developing a loving relationship with myself feels silly sometimes.  I like silly.  Silly makes me smile and laugh.  It feels good; it feels right.  I can treat me to gifts and experiences that enrich my life and make me feel special.

Society is so weird.  We celebrate philanthropy and look down on people who need or accept help.  We are supposed to be generous and selfless, but if we put ourselves first then we're selfish or greedy?  Liking ourselves is an act of rebellion.  To say you love yourself takes courage, because a lot of people profit and otherwise benefit from self-doubt and self-hatred.

Imagine what would happen to the diet, plastic surgery, magazine, and beauty industries if every woman in the world suddenly decided to love themselves and take care of themselves better than they care for their spouses or children.

How would your life be different if you vowed to love yourself as you are and put your own needs first?