It's been an intense week as the Scorpio Moon approaches, Beltaine is in the air, and seemingly all the planets (well, ok, just four, but Mercury's warming up to do his own tap dance next week) doing the backwards boogie of retrograde. Saturn, the King of Karma, has been dancing backwards for a few weeks, bringing to light all sorts of things that we thought were long ago dead and buried. Mars retrograde has many of us feeling extra combative and raw. The Scorpio Moon asks to us focus unwaveringly on our target, our object of desire, and through that focus, draw our desires to us. And the Sun moving into steady Taurus means we may be torn between the known, the status quo, and all that which we truly desire even it obtaining it means shaking our world to its foundations.

As a former therapist of mine once said, Oh great. Another fucking opportunity for personal growth. Or, to put perhaps a more positive spin on it, What an opportunity to really heal some old shit.

If I had to pick a word to describe my life right now, it would be urgency. There has been this overwhelming sense that I have wasted so much time and that now it's time for me to do all the things I didn't do for the past decade as I navigated the underpaid, stressful world of part-time college instruction. Since taking an (incredibly rewarding and decently paid) full-time job in July of last year, I have felt both a surge in my creative energy and a paralyzing sense that it's too late. And in trying to catch up -- something I know is impossible, because in my best moments I know I'm not really behind -- I find myself flailing and trying to do many things and as a result doing none of them well -- blogging, my own writing, running an Etsy shop, doing burlesque, all of it. 

This moon, with all its retrogrades, is giving me the opportunity to just. slow. down for a moment and consider what it is I really want out of my life. While it's a bit uncomfortable at times, sitting in the enforced stillness of retrograde, I also know that it's a chance to evaluate, to declutter, to figure out what the true Object of My Desire is. And to break up with the old stories I told myself about what my life would be at this point, where I would be, what I would be doing. There all just stories, no matter how powerful they may feel in the moment I'm telling them to myself.

And so my Full Moon ritual work this week will focus on these questions. If they resonate with you, I invite you to consider them as well.

What is the Object of My True Desire? What do I want most for my life?

What am I willing to let go of in order to create room for my Desire?

What old stories do I need to break up with in order to tell myself a new, truer story?

What strengths do I bring?

What unhealed wounds are holding me back?

What help is available to me?