I really don't want to commit these ideas to a post. I'm worried that I cannot do them justice, and that I'm just going to write something trite or bullshit or horribly offensive. But I'm writing them anyways, because sometimes trite, bullshit, offensive things start necessary conversations. So here goes.
I used to sing Ani DiFranco's song "As Is" and think of others. Now I think of myself.
And I've got
No illusions about you
I never did
When I said
When I said I'll take it
I meant as is.
I have a body. I am a body.
My body is many things. My body is soft and supple. My body is flexible and strong. My body is prone to allergies and skin irritations. My body is ample hips and delicious curves. My body is endometriosis and blond hair. My body is tiny wrists and scoliosis. My body is tattooed kindness and frequent urinary tract infections.
I am soft, supple, flexible, strong, prone to allergies and skin irritations. I am ample hips, delicious curves, endometriosis and blond hair, tiny wrists and scoliosis, tattoos galore and UTIs, too.
My body experiences chronic pain. That's part of being in my body.
I am chronic pain. That's part of being me.
And sure, there are times that I have wished that I didn't have the physical issues I have. It has been comforting to think that someone else's body could not only be tried on, but could fit.