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My 2 Weddings, Part 2: The Dark Honeymoon
The first 5 days after I received Loki's ring were turbulent and sometimes dark. He was not the delighted and playful skinriding presence I had grown so used to. I was vaguely aware of him as a dark ball of anger somewhere distant from me. 
 
Some of my online relationships exploded, and I had to cut ties. But, some long time acquaintances suddenly grew closer and turned into friends. 
 
At first, I wondered if Loki's absence might be a test of faith. Then I realized that I was better off without the people he kicked out of my life. Old acquaintances suddenly, inexplicably contacted me to renew and deepen old relationships. I realized that Loki had been away arranging my life for my benefit. 
 
I would never have guessed in advance who Loki would kick out of my life, and who would grow closer. I suppose that's the reason he arranged this part of my life for me, because I didn't guess right all the time about who I should be friends with. All the people I fought against online in those few days claimed to be Lokeans. Only when I was trying to get them out of my online friends lists did I discover some of them were not who they seemed to be.
 
The biggest surprise was grower closer to a longtime acquaintance who avoided Loki. Despite that, we started sharing our personal gnosis with each other, and beta reading each other's writing. We evolved into friends as well as colleagues. One of the lessons to learn here is that when people on different paths respect that my path is my path, your path is your path, and we don't have to walk the same path to be friends, we can walk together on our different roads in friendship.
 
Image: fire in darkness, by Anupam Sunil, Creative Commons license, via Wikimedia Commons
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My 2 Weddings, part 1: Loki

On April 28, 2014, I was reading reading a novel in bed. My eyes closed and my Kindle slipped from my hand onto the pillow. Instead of drifting off to sleep, I drifted into hypnogogia, that dreamy state in which I am awake and aware but can't move and can see images as if I were dreaming.

Loki appeared, and I expressed anxiety that he and the other gods would stop talking to me when I was done writing the book they were inspiring me to write.

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How did you know?

"How did you know Odin wanted to marry you?" is a question I get quite a lot.  Often it's asked because people are trying to figure out what a particular god they're involved with wants from them; other times it's simple curiosity--which is understandable, even these days when every other blog I look at seems to have a godspouse behind it.  (I sometimes fool myself into thinking that means there are a lot of us, but in actuality we are still a rarity within the whole pagan demographic. What it really means, perhaps, is that I need to branch out and read a more diverse selection of blogs. )

I was 35 years old.  My daughter was a teenager and I was in a marriage that was okay at times but felt emotionally abusive at times too.  I had been more or less a Wiccanesque pagan since the age of thirteen, but hadn't really had close relationships with any particular gods, except that for my entire life, for as long as I could remember, I'd had the sense that someone was watching over me, that some unseen Person was walking along with me and shaping my path and my life's experiences.  I first encountered Him consciously at the age of eight when I met the Wild Hunter—the ancient, raw, savage Power that I discovered hiding behind the mask of Santa Claus that Christmas—and from that moment I knew He was there and had always been there with me.

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Recent Comments - Show all comments
  • Christy Dodd
    Christy Dodd says #
    Thank you for taking the time to explain. Blessed be.
  • Alisa Brewer
    Alisa Brewer says #
    This makes sense to me. I need to seek this out. Also, Eugine is a lovely place! My ex in-laws live in Joseph, outside of Enterpr
  • Beth Wodandis
    Beth Wodandis says #
    Thank you, Candi! I am an artist too, and I think the line between art and shamanism is a much thinner one than most people prefe
  • Amarfa
    Amarfa says #
    I too have always felt a presence above, below, and around me, though I am not yet given to know what or whom it is. I do know it
  • Amarfa
    Amarfa says #
    I think that this is beautiful! You have described such a beautiful love relationship with Him, and you must keep being devoted t

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