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"The abuser won. Everything is back to the way it was before."

I am writing again (obviously). But the simple act of sitting down and letting my fingers dance across the keyboard took months of struggle. Last year I would panic at the mere thought of writing. I thought I’d never publish another word, ever again.

Writing isn’t something I can do casually. Some writers can kick back and type out page after page in a single afternoon, but I’m not like that. For me, writing is a gut-wrenching, soul-baring practice. I cannot write without reaching deep inside of me. Often I end up encountering aspects of myself from which I would rather hide. Writing peels away my defenses and confronts me with the secrets I keep from myself.

Happy New Year!  I am sharing this pathworking that was written many years ago as a gift of finding your own place of power and resiliency as we enter another year. Last year, in particular was brutal for many leaving them feeling less than empowered by the choices, responses and reactions that were made.  Now, we find ourselves entering into the unknown of what this upcoming year will bring and with that uncertainty is an opportunity to move inwards in reflection as we bolster and strengthen what we wish to to create.

This pathworking is an opportunity to release any challenges you are currently facing and craft within yourself the space of renewal and empowerment. As we move through the year ahead and affirm this action at its start we will be able to move with courage and power in greeting every challenge and joy as more fully the person we are meant to be. 

Recently, I had a day that was really rough for me emotionally, so much so it gave me a bad headache.  I felt so drained I didn't get done anything I'd planned. I felt worse and worse emotionally as the day went on, and fell in depressive habits of trying to distract myself by scrolling through Facebook until my phone died and trying to self-medicate with sugary junk foods.

When I was depressed, I would often get like that, where I felt so down and drained that the little voice in my head going, "you could do this and that and such to feel better," made me feel resentful and resistant.  The resentment was a source of irritability; the resistance an expression of anxiety.  Instead of recognizing my unhappy feelings and acknowledging them, I ran away from them, avoided them, suppressed them, did my best to numb myself.

Maybe it was naïve of me, but it never occurred to me before this morning that a person could be a racist feminist.

Personally, I find all forms of oppression and bullying equally abhorrent.  I believe all humans (all sentient life, really) deserve love and respect from the beginning to the end of their lives, no matter what they look like, who they love, how much they have, what language they speak, or what they believe.

It’s a super New Moon in Taurus, with Mercury, Mars, Saturn, Jupiter, and Pluto all retrograde – what better time than now to work on breaking harmful habits and creating helpful ones?

In this post I will lay out for you four simple, effective techniques that have helped me completely change my life over the last five or six years, and I call them: Gross Yourself Out, Psych Yourself Up, Redirect the Flow, and Make It Special.