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Subscribe to this list via RSS Blog posts tagged in satire

Posted by on in Culture Blogs
Twin Cities Killer Targets Mall Santas

AP: Minneapolis

Someone is killing the shopping mall Santas of Minneapolis-St. Paul.

Since Black Friday—a name which, in retrospect, sounds increasingly ominous—a total of nine Santas at Twin Cities area malls have been found murdered and, grotesquely, beheaded.

“Clearly, we've got a sick, twisted serial killer on our hands,” said Chief Stefano Pozzo of the Minneapolis Police Department. “These look like revenge killings, but revenge for what? Coal in the stocking?”

Authorities are mystified. Perhaps the most bizarre aspect of the killings has been the presence of piles of animal droppings at every crime scene.

In each case, University of Minnesota experts have identified the droppings as those of a sheep or a goat.

Not everyone, though, is mystified by the murders.

“The droppings clinch it,” said Stephanie Fox, high priestess emerita of Minneapolis. “It's Berchta for sure.”

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Posted by on in Culture Blogs
Thirteen Surprising Facts About Cowans

Cowans are not all alike.

There are Protestant cowans, Shi'ite cowans, Hasidic cowans....

Cowans are not necessarily anti-pagan.

Some cowans actually like pagans.

Cowans don't all look alike.

Next time you're with a group of cowans, take a really close look. You'll be amazed!

Cowanism is not a single religion.

In fact, there are many different forms of cowanism.

Many cowans find the term “neo-cowan” deeply offensive.

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"Witches' Rune" Originally Sung to Stephen Foster Tune, Says Historian

AP: London

According to Wiccan historian Philip Heselton, Doreen Valiente's famous chant “Witches' Rune” was originally intended to be sung to the tune of the Stephen Foster tune, “Camptown Races.”

“According to some recently-discovered correspondence, that's the tune that she originally wrote the words to fit,” said Heselton. “Of course, since then it's been sung to many other tunes as well.”

American composer Stephen Foster (1826-1864) wrote “Camptown Races” (also known as “Camptown Ladies”) in 1850, and the tune was a favorite of Valiente's first husband, Joanis Vlachopoulos, who had learned it while in the Merchant Navy.

Although the Foster tune was Valiente's intended setting for her lyrics to what was to become a classic Wiccan liturgical chant, it never caught on with British witches, perhaps because they were unfamiliar with the American tune.

An interesting aspect of this discovery is the fact that the original words to “Witches' Rune” were slightly different from those now found in most recensions of the Book of Shadows.

According to Heselton, the first verse, along with a now-disused chorus, originally went:

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Posted by on in Culture Blogs
Letter to Nancy Pelosi

Representative:

I don't know whether or not you follow the series Game of Thrones.

Regardless, you should know that we're going to rebuild the Wall.

And we're going to get the White Walkers to pay for it.

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Posted by on in Culture Blogs
Brand Spanking New

Brand spanking new.

A curious expression, certainly: what does one have to do with the other?

In fact, it's birth imagery. Birth imagery? you might think.

Ah, but this was birth the cowan way.

Back in the Bad Old Days of the Cowan Era (CE), it was customary to hold newborn babies upside-down by their feet and give them a good, solid swat on the behind. Supposedly, this was to get the newborn to take its first breath.

In fact, of course, most newborns breathe automatically, and for those that don't, there are much less violent methods available.

But for cowans, the gesture held deep meaning. At the very moment of birth, it subjected the newly-born to the life of indignity, violence, and subjugation that most people then could expect to live.

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Recent Comments - Show all comments
  • Anne Newkirk Niven
    Anne Newkirk Niven says #
    I delivered all three of my boys at home with a midwife, and believe me, there was no spanking involved! It hadn't occurred to me
  • Shirl Sazynski
    Shirl Sazynski says #
    Unfortunately, Steven, it hasn't. Not if you enter a typical maternity ward rather than a birth center. I deeply appreciate your a

Posted by on in Culture Blogs
How Pagan Are You?

1. How many Green Men do you have in your house? (Score: 1 point per Green Man)

2. If they needed a sacrifice, would you volunteer?

a. No.

b. Yes.

c. Where do I sign up?

3. Which of the following books have you read?

a. The Mists of Avalon.

b. The Triumph of the Moon.

c. The White Goddess.

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White House to Host Beltane Celebration Sunday

AP: Washington, D. C.

The White House announced Wednesday that it will host the nation's first presidential Beltane celebration since the 1920s, on Sunday, May 7.

“Wiccans will be flying in from all over the country,” press secretary Sean Spicer told reporters. “On planes, mostly.”

“I ♥ Wiccans,” tweeted acting President Ronald Rump later in the day. "They're amazing people, amazing."

A White House spokesman later offered a clarification, indicating that the president was actually referring to Presbyterians.

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