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AP: New York

The transition team of president elect Ronald Rump announced today the appointment of obscure PaganSquare blogger Steven Posch as the administration's future liaison with the pagan community.

“Sure, he's a nobody from nowhere that nobody listens to,” said an aide, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “For an insignificant bunch of losers like the pagans, who cares?”

Critics faulted the choice as unrepresentative.

“Darling, Posch doesn't speak for anyone but himself, and that's on a good day,” said Glyph And/Or of Witches Against Negativity and Discrimination (WAND), adding: “He's so far out of the pagan mainstream that his hooves aren't even wet.”

Questioned about his choice, president elect Rump said: “It's so unfair. You don't even know what you're talking about. You're stupid, stupid.

“And you're ugly, too.

Hey Anita, it's Steven.

I can't remember whether or not there's reception down where you guys are camped. I know that Iacchus has a signal up top at the Big House, so presumably you'll get this sooner or later.

As you'll recall, my original plan was to get to the festival tomorrow—Wednesday—but I'm afraid there have been a few, ah, developments around here.

In fact, you're not going to believe this, but at the moment my house is surrounded by a mob of irate villagers, complete with pitchforks and torches.

Seriously, I am not making this up. You may even be able to hear them in the background. [Muffled shouting.] Like you say, life imitating art.

Gods, with all the kids around here, you'd think they could spare one or two every now and then. I mean, a guy's got to eat, right?

But no.

AP: Boston

Was the common American children's song She'll Be Comin' Round the Mountain originally a hymn to the Moon Goddess of the Witches?

A new study by historian and ethnomusicologist Stefano Pozzo, current chair of ethnomusicology at Massachusetts' prestigious Miskatonic University, suggests that this may indeed be the case.

“It's one of the great mysteries of American paidomusicology [the study of children's music],” says Pozzo. “Who is this mysterious and powerful female driving six white horses? I think that we can now say confidently that we know exactly who she is.”

In the current issue of Ethnomusicology Today, Pozzo examines the earliest surviving texts of the song to present his case.

“She'll be coming' round the mountain when she comes,” he writes, “Could one ask for a clearer image of moonrise?”

According to Pozzo, when 17^th century British witches fled to the New World to escape religious persecution, they brought their immemorial devotion to the Moon along with them.

Human fetus (male), 12 weeks

Already fantasizing about other male fetuses

Queerness begins at the moment of conception.

Support the right to love.

Happy Pride!

Let's make Paganism great again!

Paganism used to be great. Paganism used to be the greatest religion in the world. The greatest!

And look at us now. A bunch of scared little wussies hiding behind fake names.

Scared! When we used to be great. Great!

What happened? Do you wanna know what happened? Well, I'll tell you what happened.

Cowans.

A great meeting of the gods was called for a certain day. As the various statues of the gods arrived from all over the world, the gatekeeper directed them.

Gold statues in rows 1 to 3, silver statues rows 4 and 5. Bronze statues in rows 6 through 10; marble statues, rows 11-20. Wooden statues in rows 21 to 40.

Now it so happened that Socrates was in attendance that day. He approached the gatekeeper.

Come, come, my friend, he chided him. A work of art cannot be judged merely on the basis of what it is made from. Some of these bronze and marble statues—even some of the wooden ones—are great masterpieces, made by the finest artists of their day. By any reasonable standard, we must hold them to be of greater value than statues of lesser craftsmanship that merely happen to be made from gold and silver.

AP: London

New evidence released by the Gardner Family Archive suggests that Gerald Gardner (1884-1964), the Father of Modern Wicca, actually renounced the religion that he was instrumental in founding just days before his death.

In a posthumously-received letter to his eldest sister, Graizell, dated February 10, 1964—two days before his death—Gardner wrote:

This Wica [sic] is a cuckoo's egg, a rum deal really. Ive [sic] done with it. Its [sic] all rot, really. Well there's an end to it then, hands washed for good and all. Who knows, maybe Ill [sic] turn Turk [convert to Islam] next.

Handwriting experts have confirmed that the letter was in fact written by Gardner.