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Subscribe to this list via RSS Blog posts tagged in satire

Posted by on in Culture Blogs
Teufelsrübe

 New this year at Black Mountain Seeds:

Giant German All-Black Turnip (Brassica rapa pernigra)

Long believed extinct, this legendary heirloom turnip from the Harz mountains in Germany has long been prized by cognoscenti for its sumptuous all-black flesh. 

Yes, unlike other so-called "black" turnips, the German All-Black has sweet, meaty flesh that is just as black as its skin! 

Just think: no more need to laboriously stain those turnip slices with expensive, carcinogenic dyes! Just slice and serve. (The skin is so tender, you won't even need to peel 'em.) No messy clean-up either.

These cylindrical, pleasingly phallic roots (up to 13" in length) will make prepping for your next Black Mass fiendishly easy. 

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  • tehomet
    tehomet says #
Pagan Delivers Historic Invocation at Presidential Inauguration

 AP: Washington DC

Minneapolis man-in-black Steven Posch made history today by becoming the first pagan to deliver an invocation at a US presidential inauguration.

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Posted by on in Culture Blogs
Greenface

No, we don't worship Satan. No, we don't practice human sacrifice. No, we don't eat babies.

Gods. Is there anything more boring than Wiccans being earnest?

Give me satire over earnestness any day of the moon. The stereotypes are a tool, up there with wands and athames, handed to us on a silver pentacle.

Back when, here in Paganistan, the Besom Brigade used to show up at the Heart of the Beast May Day Parade, black steeple hats and all, doing their precision broom drills down the middle of Bloomington Avenue while chanting cadences about eating children.

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  • Steven Posch
    Steven Posch says #
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xvVX2saeBo
  • Anthony Gresham
    Anthony Gresham says #
    Is that Besom Brigade on youtube by any chance? I would love to see them in action.

Posted by on in Culture Blogs
Archdiocese Declares Moral Bankruptcy

AP: St. Paul, Minnesota

A spokesman for the Roman Catholic archdiocese of Minneapolis-St. Paul announced today that as of January 1, 2016 the archdiocese will be declaring moral bankruptcy.

“Over the course of the past century, the archdiocese has quite frankly done everything that it could to promote pedophilia and to protect pedophiles,” said the spokesman, who asked not to be named pending auto-da-fe. “Because of our moral cowardice, thousands, if not tens of thousands, have suffered sexual abuse.

“Given the fact that the upper echelons of power have always been fully aware of these problems, and have not only done nothing to prevent them, but have in fact done everything that they possibly could both to protect the perpetrators and to cover up their crimes, the plain fact is that we have no right to expect anyone to believe anything whatsoever that we say on any topic. Really, the only option here is to declare moral bankruptcy.”

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Posted by on in Culture Blogs
Behind the Shellfish Suppression Act

Shellfish are a monstrous evil that Almighty God, giver of freedom and liberty, commands us in Leviticus to suppress. They also smell bad. [...] Any person who willingly consumes or sells shellfish is guilty of a felony, and shall be fined $666 thousand per occurrence, and/or imprisoned up to 6 years, 6 months, and 6 days.

 - The Shellfish Suppression Act

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  • monkeyofstic
    monkeyofstic says #
    Great writing!! Hope you don't mind,but I shared you on my blog http://conspiro.net/2015/04/behind-the-shellfish-suppression-act/
Senate Republicans Send Letter to "Islamic State"

**** SATIRE *****

AP: Washington, DC

Speaker of the House John Boehner (R) and 46 Senate Republicans have sent an open letter to the leaders of the self-described “Islamic State.”

The policies of our so-called 'President' towards ISIL have been failures from the word go,” said Boehner. “A Republican administration created this problem, and a Republican administration will fix it.”

The letter, which has not yet been released to the press pending receipt by Caliphate authorities, purportedly offers recognition of national sovereignty in return for unspecified “support” during the upcoming presidential election.

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Posted by on in Culture Blogs
IOC OKs Nude Paganistanis at 2020 Games

AP: Geneva, Switzerland

In a surprise ruling Thursday, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) gave its unanimous approval to Paganistan’s petition that its athletes be permitted to participate naked.

“This ruling will no doubt be highly unpopular in some circles,” said Bruner Soderberg, IOC chair pro tem. “But the IOC charter is quite clear on the matter. If some countries can require their athletes to compete with limbs fully covered—not to mention with headscarves—then the athletes of Paganistan have an equivalent right to their own national traditions.”

Paganistani sprinter and 2016 Olympic Gold Medalist Aspen Moore said: “It’s something to celebrate, a return to the original Olympic ideal. Any runner can tell you that clothing constricts your movement and slows you down.”

As expected, the ruling has created a stir among certain socially conservative countries. North Korea, Saudi Arabia, and Iran have lodged protests with the IOC, but have yet to threaten withdrawal from the 2020 Games.

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  • Christopher Blackwell
    Christopher Blackwell says #
    Not only that but it would increase viewership, eve n of people who did not give a damn about sports. I am gad to see we have adva

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