Paganistan: Notes from the Secret Commonwealth

In Which One Midwest Man-in-Black Confers, Converses & Otherwise Hob-Nobs with his Fellow Hob-Men (& -Women) Concerning the Sundry Ways of the Famed but Ill-Starred Tribe of Witches.

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The Night I Ordered 'Bollywood' Hot at Gandhi Mahal

Wildfire | Definition & Facts | Britannica

 

The moral of the story is, sometimes even the wise can be really foolish.

Before it got burned down during the George Floyd riots, Gandhi Mahal was our neighborhood South Minneapolis South Asian eatery. While nothing particularly remarkable, what they served was acceptable Indian restaurant food, and certainly easier than cooking it yourself.

Like many pagans, I have a passion for Indian food, the hotter the better. (Spicy is just about the only form of machismo in which I regularly indulge.) At Gandhi Mahal, they offered a heat spectrum of Mild, Medium, Hot, Very Hot, Very Very Hot, You're Gonna Die, and...Bollywood.

So of course one night I just had to order Bollywood hot. Call it a challenge.

What did I order that night? I can't remember. It doesn't really matter, because I couldn't taste it anyway.

No flavor. No flavor at all. Just fire.

Fire and tears.

Oh, I ate it, ate it all. Oh yes, my precious. Did I enjoy it?

You've got to be kidding. Call it a “Three-Alarm” fire: fire going in, fire inside, fire coming out.

“Why do I do this to myself?” I thought repeatedly next morning: “I love my rectum.” The things we do for bragging rights.

Among pagans, as among traditional peoples everywhere, the lore features two general kinds of teaching tales: hero tales and screw-up tales. Hero tales teach by giving us something to aspire to. Screw-up tales teach by giving us something to be smarter than.

Consider this one of the latter.

 

 

 

 

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Poet, scholar and storyteller Steven Posch was raised in the hardwood forests of western Pennsylvania by white-tailed deer. (That's the story, anyway.) He emigrated to Paganistan in 1979 and by sheer dint of personality has become one of Lake Country's foremost men-in-black. He is current keeper of the Minnesota Ooser.

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