Paganistan: Notes from the Secret Commonwealth
In Which One Midwest Man-in-Black Confers, Converses & Otherwise Hob-Nobs with his Fellow Hob-Men (& -Women) Concerning the Sundry Ways of the Famed but Ill-Starred Tribe of Witches.
Ask Boss Warlock: Get Out of Hell Free, or: How to Think Like a Witch
Dear Boss Warlock:
I wanted to make some chutney, so I bought some rhubarb at a store, even though as a native Midwesterner I understood that in doing so, I was breaking a major local taboo.
Now I'm afraid of the resultant Curse: that for the rest of the year, I'll be snowed under with gifts of rhubarb from everyone that I know.
Help! Is there any way to escape the Great Midwestern Rhubarb Curse?
Wincing in Winona
Dear Wince,
Whichever gods you honor, my friend, you now owe them big-time. Since the Great Midwestern Rhubarb Curse is a strictly regional phenomenon, there is a way out of your conundrum.
Here's your “Get Out of Hell Free” card, Wince: Local taboos only apply locally.
Before you make your chutney, first cast a circle and, for the duration, declare the entire kitchen to be somewhere else, somewhere that the Curse does not apply—say, California, or Florida.
Good luck, my friend. Let me add that, chutney made, it might very well be politic to send Boss Warlock his own jar by way of thanks for having bailed your sorry Midwestern butt out of this mess in the first place. As it happens, Boss Warlock just loves rhubarb chutney.
My address will be arriving shortly by psychic post.
Boss Warlock
A Note to Readers:
There is no need whatsoever to remind Boss Warlock that, mere days ago, he said that there was no escaping the Great Midwestern Rhubarb Curse; of this, you may rest assured that he is fully aware.
In fact, this apparent inconsistency constitutes an object lesson in How to Think Like a Witch:
No matter what tale you're telling, when you tell it, you gotta believe it.
Got a question?
Boss Warlock has an answer.
Write him c/o the Paganistan blog.
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