Paganistan: Notes from the Secret Commonwealth
In Which One Midwest Man-in-Black Confers, Converses & Otherwise Hob-Nobs with his Fellow Hob-Men (& -Women) Concerning the Sundry Ways of the Famed but Ill-Starred Tribe of Witches.
US House OKs Private Ownership of Nukes, Cites Second Amendment
(Editor note: this story is satire.)
In a surprise party-line vote Tuesday, the US House of Representatives passed legislation that would legalize private ownership of nuclear weapons by American citizens.
“Today we move a step closer to realizing the original intentions of the Founding Fathers,” Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R) told reporters. “God bless the Second Amendment.”
Similar legislation is reportedly making its way through the Senate. “We have a mandate to keep our children safe,” said Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R). “How do you stop some whack-o with an assault rifle? Easy: you outgun him. God bless the Second Amendment.”
President Ronald Rump has indicated that he would sign such legislation if it were to reach his desk.
“Crooked Hillary doesn't want the good people of this country to be able to own nukes, but I do,” he told FOX News yesterday.
“And for this, the lying liberal media crucifies me. Crucifies me. It's so unfair.”
“God bless the First Amendment,” he tweeted Wednesday morning, later adding, “That's the one about guns, right?”
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