"DEAR GOOD WITCH , BAD WITCH,

I need advice: I had a great connection with one of another witch. We are old friends, and  the connection was amazing. We have so much in common especially in our devotion to the Craft. (He and I have both been taught by the same high priestess.)

I met him last Wednesday at the beach I gave him a hug and a kiss and, as I walked away I had a feeling: “I will never see this man again."
We were supposed to go out on Friday evening and all of a sudden, he just won't talk to me or anything and he's known me forever, so I'm very confused.

I swore I would never date another person in the Craft, but it seemed so real. If there's any advice that you can give me, please. I can't get him out of my head and I just need to know what happened on his end. I feel like he put a energy spell on me and I just keep craving to hear his voice or something and I'm not sure if it's the rejection or a psychic attack.

I just feel so much in my heart and he knows, too, that we would have been a great team. Please if you can give me any insight or advice I'd appreciate it. Thank you so much.

Heartsick in Half Moon Bay

Good Witch responds:

Hello, Heartsick:

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s really hard—maddening, actually—to open up to someone and have him disappear on you without any reason. In the words of the late, not-so-great J. Geils Band, love stinks.

I doubt very much that he’s put a spell on you, although sometimes love feels like the most potent magic of all, and sometimes rejection makes us want the person who rejected us even more, which can feel like its own special kind of curse. But it does sound like he’s made himself clear without saying a word. People usually don’t ghost on someone they’re madly in love with. You appear to have written to us not long after he stopped talking to you, so between then and now you may have received an explanation for his behavior. But unless you’ve made up in the meantime, you need to let him go.

I’m a big believer in working on the mundane plane before or while working on the magical one, and you say you can’t get him out of your head, so I suggest you start by doing simple things to try to get your mind off of him. If any of his stuff is lying around your house, or if there are things that remind you of him too much, put them away. Better yet, if he owns them, send them back to him. Not in a mean, “I want to hurt you because you hurt me” way; more like returning his property and his energy to him for closure.

Distraction theory—used in cognitive behavioral therapy—can be super-helpful, too. It basically means distracting your brain with other things so you can break the “spin cycle”; in your case, the obsessing about your friend and what went wrong. Spend some time outside or change your surroundings in some other way; get together with friends and have several conversations that pass the Bechdel Test (in which two women get together and talk about something other than guys); get some exercise; throw yourself into a new project; or do whatever else works for you to try to get your mind on a new track. It sounds too simple to work, but it’s very, very effective. (Trust me—been there.)

Some simple magical acts that might help are writing out your pain and sadness about the situation on paper and burning it in a simple releasing ritual; doing a house cleansing with a component that welcomes new, positive energy into your home (but not his!); and doing a pathworking to ask your favorite god(s) for their support and counsel. The distraction technique is also a magical act in a way. Since energy follows thought, the more you think about him, the more you’re pushing energy toward a relationship that isn’t going to be and a situation that makes you unhappy. Time to focus that energy elsewhere.

If these things aren’t enough, create a ritual where you visualize your connection to him and cut or release it. Again, this isn’t about hurting him like he hurt you; it’s about energetically ending a connection that’s already ended in real life. Do the ritual as many times as you need to, for as long as you need to. Be very clear about ending the connection in your ritual, even though in your heart you probably don’t want to do it. Be aware of how you might be sabotaging yourself, and try to push past it.

Several years ago, I had a friend who was going through a rough divorce, and after she beat the crap out of the Donald Duck punching bag we bought her, she went to a friend of ours, who is an incredible shaman, for help with healing. The shaman got a bunch of her friends together to do an elaborate ritual to help my friend break her connection to her ex. The problem was, my friend kept “reaching back” for him energetically during the ritual. She was too afraid to break the bond, and her clinging to “what could have been” tanked the rite, even though she didn’t mean to. You can’t move forward if you’re always looking back.

Once the connection is broken, fill the void with things that are truly healthy for you and people who make you laugh. Use the joyful things in your life to push the grief out. It’s not easy, and it won’t happen overnight, but the pain will lessen with time. Once my friend created this positive space for herself, she met an amazing guy who loves her and treats her well. So who knows? Once you move past this initial pain, you may find a great guy who’s walking the same path. Best of luck.

Lov,
Good Witch

Bad Witch sez:

Heartsick, you have given me a case of heartburn with this adorable whine about your sadsadsad circumstances. I am always cheesed off by witches that won’t use either the common sense the Great Goddess gave them or the magic they claim to love but never actually practice.

Listen up, little Witch. Some people—even beloved Craft devotees with delicious names like Oaken Pollinator or ReallyBig GreenMan—can be jerks. Some people—even those who write blogs and claim to speak for the whole of Witchcraft—aren’t good at communicating.

So here’s what Mama Bad Witch suggests for you. Take out your tarot deck, shuffle it extra good and draw three cards. See what they say—use the book, if you have to. Then you will know. Sort of. Call and leave him a message saying you want to know if he’s ok.

If he responds, you will know. Equally, if he does not respond, er, ditto.

Then go practice some magic or do some work in your community or read a good book-- and let it and Lord Wistful Wanker go. He’s got bad manners for one thing and you’re worth a witches dozen of him for another. As for psychic attack, there are more witches who can successfully do integral calculus than can mount an effective psychic attack. But that’s a whole other issue.

—Bad Witch