PaganSquare


PaganSquare is a community blog space where Pagans can discuss topics relevant to the life and spiritual practice of all Pagans.

  • Home
    Home This is where you can find all the blog posts throughout the site.
  • Tags
    Tags Displays a list of tags that have been used in the blog.
  • Bloggers
    Bloggers Search for your favorite blogger from this site.
  • Login
    Login Login form
Subscribe to this list via RSS Blog posts tagged in schizophrenia

b2ap3_thumbnail_web3_sm.jpgI’ve spent the last 13 years living in some level of crisis. Not the “my life is in danger” kind of crisis, but more of an ongoing state of being triggered and having to attempt to reframe. I have many spiritual tools I’ve used to survive this. I have a black cup into which I channel dark thoughts. I have a strong connection with deity when I feel in despair, a connection fostered with meditation and time in nature, and with animals. I have made strands of prayer beads, and when my brain was spinning when I was trying to get some sleep, working my way along that strand was a life line. And I’ve spend time tending my ancestor’s graves.

But the source of my distress has now moved out of my house – how I made that happen is a story for another day – and I can catch a breath. Literally. The day she moved out was very long. I was up and out at 7:30 and got home 12 hours later. The house was empty and I had the sensation of bracing myself for a blow that didn’t come when I came home. I took a breath. Then I took another. She has always taken up a lot of psychic space. She would spread herself out and occupy space, always choosing the best spot for any activity, most often the spot her father liked. Then she resisted being moved. As I write this, I could compile a list of petty offenses, and if that were the only issue, then it would have been a more simple matter. No doubt she would have done what adults do and gotten a job and moved herself out. She has a degree in engineering after all. But she also has serious mental health issues. She has a diagnosis of schizophrenia, autism - which would have been really helpful to know when she was growing up, and most recently OCD has been added to the list. But beyond all that, she was just not a nice person.

...
Last modified on

Additional information