Paganistan: Notes from the Secret Commonwealth

In Which One Midwest Man-in-Black Confers, Converses & Otherwise Hob-Nobs with his Fellow Hob-Men (& -Women) Concerning the Sundry Ways of the Famed but Ill-Starred Tribe of Witches.

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White House to Host Beltane Celebration Sunday

AP: Washington, D. C.

The White House announced Wednesday that it will host the nation's first presidential Beltane celebration since the 1920s, on Sunday, May 7.

“Wiccans will be flying in from all over the country,” press secretary Sean Spicer told reporters. “On planes, mostly.”

“I ♥ Wiccans,” tweeted acting President Ronald Rump later in the day. "They're amazing people, amazing."

A White House spokesman later offered a clarification, indicating that the president was actually referring to Presbyterians.

Lord Moonwhistle of Shreveport, Maine, tree farmer and Wiccan priest, will be providing the Maypole that will be the focus of the celebrations. “Just think: the first National Maypole in almost 100 years, grown right here on my own farm. I'm so honored,” he said.

In a gesture of unusual solidarity, all sixteen Wiccans who actually voted for Rump have indicated that they will attend this Sunday's festivities.

"Sure, why not?" said one, who asked not to be named.

"After all, they're paying for the tickets and beer."

 

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Poet, scholar and storyteller Steven Posch was raised in the hardwood forests of western Pennsylvania by white-tailed deer. (That's the story, anyway.) He emigrated to Paganistan in 1979 and by sheer dint of personality has become one of Lake Country's foremost men-in-black. He is current keeper of the Minnesota Ooser.

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