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One of the things I’m passionate about in the Circles I facilitate is our capacity to experience everyday magic. To me, this is a sensation of being fully alive and vibrant and connected and in flow, while going about my everyday life.

Two weeks ago while on vacation, we were staggering along the below-freezing, wind-whipped beach and I was thinking about my “Core Desired Feelings*” for 2017. I decided one is definitely “everyday magic.” Just then, I looked down and there in the sand was my word of the year, Thrive, on a little square. I couldn’t believe it! And, I have no idea how it didn’t just blow away in all that wind. Everyday magic indeed!

This post is mirrored from my other blog space, Priestessing the Dream

It's been almost a year since I chose the word "Priestess" as my power word for the year -- or rather, since it chose me. And over the last turn of the Wheel the work -- because above all, being a priestess is work -- has found me in the most unexpected places. For a long time I resisted applying the word priestess to myself, at least when I wasn't actively in a circle and leading a ritual, because it seemed too loaded, too pretentious. As a Goddess woman who is completely self-taught -- or, perhaps it would be more accurate to say, whose training has been completely self-directed, as I have had wonderful mentors -- rather than having been trained up through a formal coven system, I have balked at using the term for myself in any but the most basic of senses.

"That Priestess work will find you."

So said my circle-sister when I told her that I had been asked to consult on an upcoming art installation which, based on my suggestion, will feature a labyrinth. 

It is late autumn, 2009. I am 30 years old and pregnant with my third baby. He dies during the early part of my second trimester and I give birth to him in my bathroom, on my own with only my husband as witness. The blood comes, welling up over my fingers and spilling from my body in clots the size of grapefruits. I feel myself losing consciousness and am unable to distinguish whether I am fainting or dying. As my mom drives me to the emergency room, I lie on the back seat, humming: “Woman am I. spirit am I. I am the infinite within my soul. I have no beginning and I have no end. All this I am,” so that my husband and mother will know I am still alive.

 I do not die.

This crisis in my life and the complicated and dark walk through grief is a spiritual catalyst for me. A turning point in my understanding of myself, my purpose, my identity, and my spirituality. 

It is my 31st birthday. May 3rd. My baby’s due date. I go to the labyrinth in my front yard alone and walk through my labor with him, remembering, releasing, letting go of the stored up body memory of his pregnancy. I am not pregnant with him anymore. I have given birth. This pregnancy is over. I walk the labyrinth singing and when I emerge, I make a formal pledge, a dedication of service and commitment to the Goddess. I do not yet identify myself verbally as a priestess, but this is where the vow of my heart begins.

I do not know at the time, but less than two weeks later, I discover I am in fact pregnant with my daughter, my precious treasure of a rainbow baby girl who is born into my own hands on my living room floor the next winter. As I greet her, I cry, “you’re alive! You’re alive! There’s nothing wrong with me!” and feel a wild, sweet relief and painful joy like I have never experienced before.

Something is shifting. I feel deeply called to stand even more in my priestess power. I realize my whole life there's been a 'but'- even though I have been teaching others on the Priestess path for more than 15 years. It feels very energizing to know that now the time is ready, I am a ready. It's now about the very essence: connecting to the sacred feminine.

I feel deeply moved to finally honor myself and her for this essence. It has taken me all those years to trust her to this deep level, every minute, every decision. The core is now: how can I be there to make the connection to Her?

Today in a meeting I was listening. Suddenly I realized that only a week ago, I would have been listening with the ear: 'I don't understand this thing called life, maybe he or she has the answer'. Not now. 'they are in the confusion of thinking it's about what is being done, said or thought. When I follow that, I get so confused, and start looking for orientations outside myself. But I don't need to do that. It's their confusion, and I may stay rooted in my knowing of how life works and my presence with her.'

I'm smiling all day, dancing in between everything. And in my ears I keep hearing beautiful music. Life is good. Life is priestess.

 “The journey to become a priestess…(even of the urban variety) remains a grueling task, not something capable of being conferred by a few weekend workshops or sweat lodges. The glibness with which such terms are used can be infuriating…” –Vivienne Vernon-Jones in Voices of the Goddess by Caitlin Matthews

“The Goddess is not only for the temple, she must be carried out into the world to wherever she is needed…” –Vivianne Crowley (in Voices of the Goddess edited by Caitlin Matthews)

I recently finished writing a paper for my The Role of the Priestess course at Ocean Seminary College. This course explores the three roles of a priestess in depth: counselor (mentor), ritualist, and teacher. The first paper was designed to explore the role of priestess as counselor and I found it very difficult to write. After some reflection, I realized the difficulty was due to three personal reasons: doubt that I “deserve” to call myself a priestess, doubt about my own ability to fulfill the counselor part of the role, and fear of not being “good enough” or “perfect” enough to fulfill this piece of the priestess role. I am fairly comfortable with the roles of ritualist-ceremonialist and of teacher and I also feel good about how well I already fulfill those roles. The Counselor though. She’s scary. Am I good enough? Can I really do this? Who do I think I am?