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a Month for Loki: Sex

"In our culture, sex is tricky. It is glorified in strange and twisted ways, yet simultaneously swept under the rug." - T. Thorn Coyle, Evolutionary Witchcraft

Today I want to talk about sex, because I don't think I've ever done so on this blog.  Sex, particularly of the godsexy variety is both taboo and commonplace in mystic circles - you can have it, you can talk about it from behind closed doors, but in public, the reaction is mixed from tolerated to frowned on to outright hostility, particularly if the sex is talked about in any kind of detail or is something other than het or vanilla. Sometimes people explain it as an energetic exchange, which I've always found curious in that I always think, "what do you guys think sex with a fellow human is?" And then there's the mythos of interested in sex= fangirl, which I also despise, because I find it to be borderline sl*t shaming.

You guys have no idea how many of the deeper mystery lessons that I've written about in my blog that were delivered during or right after sex (hint: all of them). This does not mean that all Loki and I do is have sex, but I also feel like it's disingenuous sometimes to not talk about sex with Him, because we do workings together regularly.  I also probably share less of that stuff because of the circumstances of how it's delivered. I'm not immune to sex-shaming, either.

The other thing about having sex with Himself, like many other facets of Divine relationships is that some things I would define as sex are sometimes very human-esque and some are very different, much like the term "spouse" - it's kind of the same, and kind of different. The interesting thing He said to me once, when I was mulling over why some sex looks human (is that how we learn best? at least some of us?) was, "You don't really think we're imitating you when We have sex, right? You learned that from Us, not the other way around."

Some people reading this are going to protest that they don't have sex with Loki, or don't want to, and that's fine too - I'm not here to persuade you to have sex, or not have sex, or tell you that you're missing out. I worshiped Aphrodite for a number of years and never had sex with Her. I worship Freyja; we've never had sex but I totally have with Sigyn. *waits for headsplosions* There's not a right or wrong relationship to have with a deity, y'all. And my greater point here is that there's enough stigma on this topic that many, many people self-censor on it, to the point where no one talks about it publicly, and that's not healthy. I don't feel a deep, abiding need to share the details of my sex life with Himself, but I would like to feel comfortable talking about its existence, I suppose is what I'm really getting at here. And I suppose this entry is proof that I'm getting there, because I've thought of writing it before, and I finally am.

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Lokean nun, writer, swamp witch. Heather is a Pagan monastic, writer, editor, and mother. She has written and edited for a variety of publications and social media, including science journals, romance novels, and technology blogs. She also holds degrees in education and speech-language pathology, and has a passion for historical linguistics.


  • Betty
    Betty Monday, 15 July 2013

    That took courage to post.

  • Beth Wodandis
    Beth Wodandis Monday, 15 July 2013

    Well I, for one, don't have sex with Loki, nor do I want to. (True story.)

    However, I DO have sex with Odin, in ways that range from what might look like an "energy exchange" to what looks (and feels) exactly like...well, sex. And in fact, although we certainly do other things besides have sex, it is at the core of my marriage as well as being the foundation of much of the Work w/We do together. It is a very direct, and very efficient teaching mechanism, and He takes full advantage of that.

    Now, I am not ashamed of any of this, nor am I necessarily hiding it, but it is true that I don't talk much about it publicly. I may be more of a literalist than many, but for me the assumption that we are having sex together is implied by the fact that we are married, and implicit in that, in such as way that it really does not need to be mentioned. (If I were married to a mortal man--as I was, for a number of years--I would not go out of my way to point out to people that we were having sex.) The other reason I don't mention it is that it is private, not only for me but also for Him; it is a part of our life together that is not meant for public display, and keeping it private and sacred is my right.

    There is, actually, also a third reason that I've only just thought of: sex with a god (even if you "only" think about it in terms of an energy exchange) is a Mystery. If you haven't experienced it, no amount of reading about somebody else's experiences is going to make you understand (and it may well have the opposite effect, which is why I think so many people react with hostility). If you HAVE, descriptions of it are not necessary, and any attempt to pin it down in words can seem clumsy and even cheapening. (This last reason, in fact, is why I don't seek out groups that discuss godsex, or have any interest in reading the detailed experiences of others.)

  • Madisyn
    Madisyn Sunday, 17 June 2018

    How does one have sex with a god?

  • Heather Freysdottir
    Heather Freysdottir Tuesday, 16 July 2013

    " with a god ... is a Mystery. If you haven't experienced it, no amount of reading about somebody else's experiences is going to make you understand (and it may well have the opposite effect, which is why I think so many people react with hostility."

    You know, Beth, that is probably exactly it. It is hard to explain, and I think that's probably why He's never pushed me to talk about mechanics or details, only to be comfortable with acknowledging its existence.

  • Beth Wodandis
    Beth Wodandis Tuesday, 16 July 2013

    Which is important, and as someone comment to your blog, if there weren't those of us out there being open about our god-marriages, new people might very well wonder if they were losing their minds. (I know I wondered this myself when things started between Odin and me, back before godspousery was a "thing.") I guess each person just needs to find their own balance regarding what they feel comfortable sharing (and what they are Allowed to share). For myself, I do self-censor to some extent, but it's by choice, and not because I feel as if sex is, or ought to be, a taboo subject in and of itself.

  • Heather Freysdottir
    Heather Freysdottir Tuesday, 16 July 2013

    Agreed. The other thought I have about this is that I'm aware that children read my blog - children younger than my own teenager, and that is the other reason why, aside from acknowledgement, I'd be disinclined to write detail-heavy posts on sex. I don't consider that cultural baggage, that's just an acknowledgment of readership.

    There's a scene in the TV show Vikings where a character comes to visit the hero's family, and the hero's son is sitting outside.
    "Where are your parents?"

    "They're having sex."

    "Well, I guess we'll have to wait then."

    I love how matter of fact that is. I also think this is a bigger deal among Lokeans, because as you once pointed out, Loki tends to attract the sex bunnies, and Odin tends to attract power lovers. I could probably get my rant on about how a God/dess isn't a pez dispenser for sex, power, money, or whatever else you're looking for, but I think that a desire to avoid that mindset is probably part of why the community (myself included) avoids talking about sex even though Loki's a sexual God. There's a difference between reverent interaction and sharing that awe and wonder, and GIMME.

  • Beth Wodandis
    Beth Wodandis Tuesday, 16 July 2013

    Both of these points are spot-on. I also try to keep my blog PG-friendly and at least open to the possibility of inter-faith conversation, which I think sexitimes oversharing would be counterproductive towards. And re the Pez dispenser analogy--yes, THIS.

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