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Goreyesque # 1

A certain young person named Tanya,

exploring the wilds of España,

while fording the river

she called "Gwoddle Quiver,"

was devoured by a school of piranha.

Goreyesque # 2

A certain young person named Tanya,

exploring the wilds of España

in the footsteps of Hannibal,

through the Valley of Cannibals,

was transformed to a pan of lasagna.

“Charging” a candle means instilling it with magical intent. A candle that has been charged fills your personal space with the intention of all four elements.

Once you clarify your intention, cleanse your candles by passing them through the purifying smoke of a cedar bundle or some incense. This stage is especially important if you have purchased new candles for your rituals from a store or metaphysical shop. Cleansing will rid the candles of any odd energies they may have absorbed from other places or people.

A Tale of Thor?

The roads were slick that night. When my friend's car spun out and landed in the ditch, he knew he was in trouble.

The blizzard was getting worse. He was miles from anywhere. (This was B.C.: Before Cell.) The temperature was dropping fast, and the snow was piling up.

Help! thought my friend.

He hears the sound of an engine. Out of the swirling snow, a big red truck drives up, spins around, and stops.

The door opens. A big, red guy with a big, red beard gets out of the big, red truck. He doesn't say anything.

My friend didn't recognize him. This was strange. When you live in the country, you mostly know people.

The big, red guy still doesn't say anything. He chains the vehicles together, and gets back in his truck. He pulls my friend's car out of the snow-filled ditch.

He gets back out, unhooks the chain, and throws it in the back of the truck. Then he drives off into the snow.

He hasn't said a word the entire time.

When my friend gets home, he pours out an entire bottle of liquor in libation.

Of the Thirteen Treasures of the Witches I sing,

that strange and unchancy people;

of these, and their virtues, I tell.

Of the Great Ooser of the Stags I sing, that masterwork of antler, hide, and wood, and this its virtue:

that all those it wears become, to them that behold, like unto the Witches' God himself.

Of the Siege Noir I sing, in which the Horned Himself hath sitten, and left thereon his sign of buttocks and bollocks, and this its virtue:

that those of the Old Blood, his true seed, may sit thereupon; but the cowan, it spurneth away.

Of the Cup of the Moon I sing, silver on silver, itself a Moon, and this its virtue:

that all who drink therefrom drink, as it were, of the nectar of the Moon.

Of the Pitcher of the Goat I sing, and this its virtue:

that, pour and pour as you might, it will never be empty.

Of the Great Driftless Cauldron I sing, and this its virtue:

that feed and feed as you might, it will never be empty.

Of the Spear of the New Spears I sing, and this its virtue:

that never shall it miss its mark.

Of the Lake-Sword of the Salt Spring I sing, and this its virtue:

that always shall it strike the just blow.

Of the Blade of Stone I sing, black obsidian, and this its terrible virtue:

that its strike shall pierce the heart of a god, until he rise up again, in glory and power.

Before a special date night or big evening event, you can enhance your own energy field with jewelry magic. Charging a gem or crystal imbues it with your intent. Upon charging your jewelry, you can use it in spellwork or anytime you want to surround yourself with the magic you put into the gemstones. While picturing your truest wish and hope and what you ultimately want to achieve through this process, anoint a candle with an essential oil that most expresses your energy. Perhaps it is rose, or as in my case, amber.

Begin by lighting the candle and gazing into the flame. Then, place the piece of jewelry in front of the candle and say aloud,

 In Which Boss Warlock, As Usual, Doesn't Have a Clue

“They walk among us.”

Hey guys, check this out.

This is my new cowan drag.

(Models.)

Pretty good, hunh? Makes me look just like a cowan, doesn't it?

Oh, hey, and listen to this.

(Mugs.)

“Blessed be, my fellow cowans.”

Sounds just like one, doesn't it?

(Smiles modestly, looks at feet.)

I've been practicing.

A Tale of One of the Thirteen Treasures of the Witches

Of the Siege Perilous of Arthurian fame you have heard tell, the Dangerous Seat, but I tell you now of a true Siege Perilous.

It is called the Siege Noir, the Black Seat, and it is real, and one of the Thirteen Treasures of the Witches.

I know, for I myself have sat there.

One night, before the Grand Sabbat of the Witches—or maybe it was after, authorities disagree—the Dark Lord was seated there himself and, indeed, it still bears the shapely imprint of his buttocks and bollocks.

There may sit with impunity and, indeed, with blessing, those of the Old Blood, his true seed; but all those not of the Blood, it utterly rejects.

To some, it is as if invisible: they simply do not see it.

To others, some unseen force field bars their way: they stand before, they pause, they turn away, saying, “I'll sit over here.”

This is the true Siege Perilous, the Master's Seat, counted among the far-famed Thirteen Treasures of the Witches.