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Of the Thirteen Treasures of the Witches I sing,

that strange and unchancy people;

of these, and their virtues, I tell.

Of the Great Ooser of the Stags I sing, that masterwork of antler, hide, and wood, and this its virtue:

that all those it wears become, to them that behold, like unto the Witches' God himself.

Of the Siege Noir I sing, in which the Horned Himself hath sitten, and left thereon his sign of buttocks and bollocks, and this its virtue:

that those of the Old Blood, his true seed, may sit thereupon; but the cowan, it spurneth away.

Of the Cup of the Moon I sing, silver on silver, itself a Moon, and this its virtue:

that all who drink therefrom drink, as it were, of the nectar of the Moon.

Of the Pitcher of the Goat I sing, and this its virtue:

that, pour and pour as you might, it will never be empty.

Of the Great Driftless Cauldron I sing, and this its virtue:

that feed and feed as you might, it will never be empty.

Of the Spear of the New Spears I sing, and this its virtue:

that never shall it miss its mark.

Of the Lake-Sword of the Salt Spring I sing, and this its virtue:

that always shall it strike the just blow.

Of the Blade of Stone I sing, black obsidian, and this its terrible virtue:

that its strike shall pierce the heart of a god, until he rise up again, in glory and power.

Before a special date night or big evening event, you can enhance your own energy field with jewelry magic. Charging a gem or crystal imbues it with your intent. Upon charging your jewelry, you can use it in spellwork or anytime you want to surround yourself with the magic you put into the gemstones. While picturing your truest wish and hope and what you ultimately want to achieve through this process, anoint a candle with an essential oil that most expresses your energy. Perhaps it is rose, or as in my case, amber.

Begin by lighting the candle and gazing into the flame. Then, place the piece of jewelry in front of the candle and say aloud,

 In Which Boss Warlock, As Usual, Doesn't Have a Clue

“They walk among us.”

Hey guys, check this out.

This is my new cowan drag.

(Models.)

Pretty good, hunh? Makes me look just like a cowan, doesn't it?

Oh, hey, and listen to this.

(Mugs.)

“Blessed be, my fellow cowans.”

Sounds just like one, doesn't it?

(Smiles modestly, looks at feet.)

I've been practicing.

A Tale of One of the Thirteen Treasures of the Witches

Of the Siege Perilous of Arthurian fame you have heard tell, the Dangerous Seat, but I tell you now of a true Siege Perilous.

It is called the Siege Noir, the Black Seat, and it is real, and one of the Thirteen Treasures of the Witches.

I know, for I myself have sat there.

One night, before the Grand Sabbat of the Witches—or maybe it was after, authorities disagree—the Dark Lord was seated there himself and, indeed, it still bears the shapely imprint of his buttocks and bollocks.

There may sit with impunity and, indeed, with blessing, those of the Old Blood, his true seed; but all those not of the Blood, it utterly rejects.

To some, it is as if invisible: they simply do not see it.

To others, some unseen force field bars their way: they stand before, they pause, they turn away, saying, “I'll sit over here.”

This is the true Siege Perilous, the Master's Seat, counted among the far-famed Thirteen Treasures of the Witches.

 “Ah, that was a proper nine-cow, that was.”

Thank Goddess, the ritual is finally over.

The friend standing beside me turns and whispers in my ear: “Two goats.”

I smile and nod.

If anything, she's being generous. Me, I'm thinking chickens, myself.

Back in the days when Witches were Hwicce, we counted our wealth in livestock. Our modern word fee (1500 years ago, it was feoh) originally meant “cow.”

That's why rituals are rated in animals.

What my friend was talking about is the fee—number of animals—you would have had to pay the ritual specialist in order to get a ritual of comparable quality back in old tribal days.

These days, when you see online reviews of rituals, they'll sometimes be accompanied by little pictures of animals: chickens, goats, cows.

Think of it as a Star-rating for ritual.

Cows are the best: the more the better.

The best possible ritual is a nine-cow ritual. That's the one that, for the very best of reasons, you'll remember for the rest of your life, the one that they'll still be talking about 100 years from now.

The ratings go down from there. Even a one-cow ritual is still a good ritual.

Considerably less prestigious than cows are goats.

(Depending on where and when we've talking, a good milch cow would have brought you anywhere between 20 and 50 goats apiece.)

A nine-goat ritual, well...let me be generous and say that it's better than a two-goat ritual.

Then there are the real stinkers: the ones you'll remember for the rest of your life, but for the very worst of reasons.

Those are the ones that are rated in chickens.

Well, N, having survived your man-making, you're now what's called a New Spear.

As for that reproduction La Tène Celtic leaf-blade spear that you carried as a sign of your new standing in victorious procession back to the village afterwards: that's the New Spear's New Spear, and you are now its keeper.

(In the old days, of course, you would have been initiated with a whole age-set of peers, and the Spear would have passed to the youngest; but these days are not those.)

So you are now the keeper of the tribe's New Spear, just as I am the keeper of the Great Ooser, the antlered god-mask that the Horned wears when he comes among us in ritual. The Spear does not belong to you in the sense of owning it, just as the Mask doesn't belong to me; they belong to the tribe as a whole. We're just the lucky ones to be privileged with their keeping.

Care for that spear. It's your responsibility now.

Keep it in a clean and sacred place. Feed it from time to time. Be sure to keep the shaft well-oiled, and the head well-polished.

(Get that look off your face, N, I'm talking about a spear.)

The best way to prepare for personal ritual is to center yourself. I call this “doing a readjustment,” and I believe this is especially important in our overscheduled and busy world. Doing a readjustment helps pull you back into yourself and gets your priorities back on track. Only when you are truly centered can you do the true inner work of self-development that is at the core of ritual. Centering takes many forms. Experiment on your own to find out what works best for you. One excellent way to center is to light a candle and meditate on it. By focusing on the flame, you bring your being and awareness into focus. You can take this a step further with this spell for new insight into your life.

Step 1: Place one candle on your altar or “centering station.” Light your favorite meditation incense. For me, nag champa immediately sanctifies any space and creates a sacred aura.